Ok so here's the thing, I have often been called 'loud' but don't get me wrong. I mean loud in the very literal sense of the term. I can't deny it either. You see, I have a rather loud voice and unfortunately I have absolutely no control over my volume levels. The happier I am the louder I get. And don't let me get started on how high my volumes are upped when I'm excited! I can't help it though, and mostly because I hardly notice it.
All through my life, I have been told to lower my voice. Right from when I can remember and almost always by the men in my life.
'We could hear you from down the street!'
'We could hear your laugh from next door!'
'Shush! Control yourself!'
'Speak softer!'
'You're scaring the neighbours!'
The comments would keep coming and this was the gist of most of them. My dad, bless him, didn't mind much at all, but my brother had always taken it upon himself to police me and the baton was passed over to the husband once I got married, and he was more than thrilled to take over the role.
I have done my bit too of course, often trying to keep a check on myself but before long I'm back to square one. Needless to add, I've had a lion's share of innumerable shameful moments in public when I'm rudely pulled up in front of an audience for being too loud. Even recently I had an unnecessary dressing down and precisely at that very moment I decided, enough is enough.
I'm not a teenager anymore in fact I have a teenager of my own and another in line to enter her double digits. It's about time everyone accepted that this is the way I am and this is the way I always will be. If I were to be any different, believe me I would have changed a long time ago.
But honestly, I like my voice, volume included. This voice once built me a successful career because there had been a time when I had compered professionally and was actually quite good at it, though I say so myself.
But coming back to the topic at hand, I've had it with men thinking they can judge a woman by the tone of her voice or the levels of her volume. I'm tired of being told what to do, how to think and even how to speak. I've never heard a man being told to tone down his tone so then, why can't a woman decide how she can and should behave?
Apart from being loud volume wise, I also happen to be loud opinion wise and thankfully, though many have tried, I've been pretty adamant that I won't get bullied into coyly toning down my views for the sake of someone else.
I have been titled under various adjectives - different, complex, complicated and lots more. Honestly, I don't really care.
I have reached that stage in life where I choose to live on my terms and what's so wrong with that?
I've gone through enough in life to know that at the end of the day, we are on our own. There may be sympathisers and friends who would stand with you but the bulk of community that judges and condemns will not lend a helping hand when you need it, so then, why not condone their demands?
I do however understand the restraints of society, and though I may sound rebellious, I have thankfully always had a clear view on the expectations levelled upon me and I have always tried to balance the demands of social living and family with my own personal stand. It isn't easy. In fact, it's quite a juggle most of the time and involves almost everything. Right from whom I love, whom I choose to avoid, to what I eat and even what I wear!
For instance, I live in a rather small town, where girls in t-shirts are ogled upon. So when in town I prefer staid Indian wear and only switch to comfortable and personally preferred clothes once I cross the border. Many may say it is my personal choice and I shouldn't pay attention to such silliness, I agree, however I still prefer not to have my butt stared at by the local boys.
As for what I eat, the country's reaching a stage where not society but the government has taken actions of deciding that for its public. Ridiculous. But who else are we to blame but ourselves for voting so-called leaders to positions where they start making even personal choices for each of us.
And then there's love. That is my personal choice and is nobody's business but my own.
I do not allow my choices to get in the way of my responsibilities. I am a parent. I owe it to my children that I take care of them and give them all that I can to ensure they have a secure and sound future. That is my responsibility, not a choice but definitely a pleasure.
And as a parent I would like my children to grow up in full understanding of themselves, with the confidence that they know their hearts and the courage that they can be themselves without compromise. I learnt it the tough way, there's no need for them to go down the same road.
So this is what I have to say to my children and every other child out there.
Be the person that you want to be.
It doesn't matter if you have a loud shout or a shrill squeak. What matters is you know the difference between right and wrong. And choose to be on the side of all that is good.
It doesn't matter if you're comfortable in tank tops or cotton kurtis. What matters is you know that you don't need to be indecent to be attractive.
It doesn't matter if you don't follow the norms that a cynical public demands from you, what matter is you spend your time and your life doing and being what you truly enjoy.
Love those that your heart chooses to love. Choose a purpose in life that your mind appreciates and approves of.
Make every moment make sense to you.
Read when you feel like it, sing when you want to or break into a jig!
Your happiness is your responsibility.
At the end of the day it is your life. So just be the person you always want to be.
All through my life, I have been told to lower my voice. Right from when I can remember and almost always by the men in my life.
'We could hear you from down the street!'
'We could hear your laugh from next door!'
'Shush! Control yourself!'
'Speak softer!'
'You're scaring the neighbours!'
The comments would keep coming and this was the gist of most of them. My dad, bless him, didn't mind much at all, but my brother had always taken it upon himself to police me and the baton was passed over to the husband once I got married, and he was more than thrilled to take over the role.
I have done my bit too of course, often trying to keep a check on myself but before long I'm back to square one. Needless to add, I've had a lion's share of innumerable shameful moments in public when I'm rudely pulled up in front of an audience for being too loud. Even recently I had an unnecessary dressing down and precisely at that very moment I decided, enough is enough.
I'm not a teenager anymore in fact I have a teenager of my own and another in line to enter her double digits. It's about time everyone accepted that this is the way I am and this is the way I always will be. If I were to be any different, believe me I would have changed a long time ago.
But honestly, I like my voice, volume included. This voice once built me a successful career because there had been a time when I had compered professionally and was actually quite good at it, though I say so myself.
But coming back to the topic at hand, I've had it with men thinking they can judge a woman by the tone of her voice or the levels of her volume. I'm tired of being told what to do, how to think and even how to speak. I've never heard a man being told to tone down his tone so then, why can't a woman decide how she can and should behave?
Apart from being loud volume wise, I also happen to be loud opinion wise and thankfully, though many have tried, I've been pretty adamant that I won't get bullied into coyly toning down my views for the sake of someone else.
I have been titled under various adjectives - different, complex, complicated and lots more. Honestly, I don't really care.
I have reached that stage in life where I choose to live on my terms and what's so wrong with that?
I've gone through enough in life to know that at the end of the day, we are on our own. There may be sympathisers and friends who would stand with you but the bulk of community that judges and condemns will not lend a helping hand when you need it, so then, why not condone their demands?
I do however understand the restraints of society, and though I may sound rebellious, I have thankfully always had a clear view on the expectations levelled upon me and I have always tried to balance the demands of social living and family with my own personal stand. It isn't easy. In fact, it's quite a juggle most of the time and involves almost everything. Right from whom I love, whom I choose to avoid, to what I eat and even what I wear!
For instance, I live in a rather small town, where girls in t-shirts are ogled upon. So when in town I prefer staid Indian wear and only switch to comfortable and personally preferred clothes once I cross the border. Many may say it is my personal choice and I shouldn't pay attention to such silliness, I agree, however I still prefer not to have my butt stared at by the local boys.
As for what I eat, the country's reaching a stage where not society but the government has taken actions of deciding that for its public. Ridiculous. But who else are we to blame but ourselves for voting so-called leaders to positions where they start making even personal choices for each of us.
And then there's love. That is my personal choice and is nobody's business but my own.
I do not allow my choices to get in the way of my responsibilities. I am a parent. I owe it to my children that I take care of them and give them all that I can to ensure they have a secure and sound future. That is my responsibility, not a choice but definitely a pleasure.
And as a parent I would like my children to grow up in full understanding of themselves, with the confidence that they know their hearts and the courage that they can be themselves without compromise. I learnt it the tough way, there's no need for them to go down the same road.
So this is what I have to say to my children and every other child out there.
Be the person that you want to be.
It doesn't matter if you have a loud shout or a shrill squeak. What matters is you know the difference between right and wrong. And choose to be on the side of all that is good.
It doesn't matter if you're comfortable in tank tops or cotton kurtis. What matters is you know that you don't need to be indecent to be attractive.
It doesn't matter if you don't follow the norms that a cynical public demands from you, what matter is you spend your time and your life doing and being what you truly enjoy.
Love those that your heart chooses to love. Choose a purpose in life that your mind appreciates and approves of.
Make every moment make sense to you.
Read when you feel like it, sing when you want to or break into a jig!
Your happiness is your responsibility.
At the end of the day it is your life. So just be the person you always want to be.
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