Just about everyone in Kerala would have heard all that's there to hear about the rather public legal separation of a popular actor and his wife, once an equally popular actress. There had been gossip galore as to why they had decided to take such a drastic step and every other Keralite lapped it all up happily. The pair were analysed, their relationship scrutinised and studied but it was the new ex-wife who faced the actual brunt of all the criticism.
Personally I applauded Manju Warrier, the new divorcee, for the stand she took on the whole matter. Not once did she appear in the media in an attempt to attain public sympathy. She made no comments and steadfastly stuck to keeping her private life just that, private.
She then went on to be the face of a renowned jewellery brand and soon relaunched her acting career as well, and I bowed before her brave attempt to repair and renew her life.
Perhaps that's why it came as quite a shock when a few very close friends of mine announced a different sentiment towards the actress.
One particular friend went to the extent of saying that she did not approve of the whole affair at all. Once one was married then the commitment is for life, was her take. Especially if there are children involved. This friend believed that the actress had no right getting divorced and definitely had no business trying to build a career after it all. She was a wife and a mother and she should have stayed as such no matter what the circumstances. Honestly, I couldn't believe my ears.
I mean it's all fine for the wife to be submissive, at least to a limit. But how far is she expected to bend? But that's beside the point.
The actual point is, who are we, the common public, to judge whether a woman and a man should remain married? We don't know their lives. We have absolutely no idea why they chose to take such a step then what right do we have to judge them?
And why judge her in particular? What if she had no choice in the matter?
Because if what the grapevine says is true then it was the take of the actor in question that actually lead to the whole sad situation. But funnily no one seems to want to place any blame on him. All you need to do is just check out their Facebook pages. Dilip has adoring comments from adoring fans while Manju's on the receiving end of quite a bit of sarcasm.
So men may do as they wish and women should just suffer in silence? Shouldn't she have a right to a dignified life where she should be allowed to know and do what is best for her?
Another point that my friend brought up was the fact that the only child of the pair had chosen to be with the father. This fact, she concluded, only proved that there was something very wrong with the mother!
Again I say, we have no idea what their lives are all about.
To me, I believe that Manju is a lady who stood up for herself in spite of it all.
She did not allow herself to be broken with the unfortunate turn her life took.
She fell, but she picked herself right back up, brushed herself down and is now striding forward with all her strength.
She is a woman who has proved with her life that the past should be left alone, the present is to be lived and the future is to be looked forward to.
It's a shame that women condemn her.
This is a woman who should be admired by her own sex for the strength of character she has displayed.
This is a woman who should be seen as a leader for other women facing similar situations. She has definitely set the right example. She has proved that a woman may face a lot of trials but she can't and won't be beaten.
We all have just one life. It is our responsibility to make the most of it.
I'm sure she has a lot of friends and family standing up with and for her but I'm also sure she would be aware of public sentiment, yet despite all that she's still moving ahead and all I have to say, all that we should all say is bravo!
I think it is unjust to demand that a couple, once married should remain married all their lives. Especially in a country where arranged marriages are so popular. Two people who may not be compatible in any way are some times tied together with the bond of marriage. Rather than spending the rest of their lives in misery, wouldn't it only be fair to them that they move their separate ways and make better lives for themselves?
So many marriages are loveless.
So many people are sadly stuck together only because there are children in the equation.
Thankfully mine is probably the last generation that would give in to such unfair demands. Please don't get me wrong. I am not advocating divorce. Far from it.
Divorce rates are on the high now and frankly, that isn't healthy. We find a lot of couples breaking up within just months of togetherness. Could they have really tried hard enough?
So where does one draw the line?
What's the limit at which one can decide that it's time to move on?
Unfortunately there are no guidelines.
Marriage is indeed a sacred constitution.
But it demands a lot of effort, understanding, patience and yes, love, but most of all respect, for it to really work.
One partner would be aggressive and the other submissive, that's how the equation normally works. If both are on the same side of the fence then woe to them!
Each has to contribute and each has to be committed, just as in any other relationship, but only more.
And despite it all, if pain, anger, disgust and hatred flood in and settle down then it may be beyond repair.
In such cases, it just doesn't make sense in prolonging a farce. Move on.
But if there's even the slightest glimmer of hope then grab it and hold it tight and don't ever let it go, because you're one of the rare lucky ones!
And for those who have to move apart and ahead on their own, the pain would be inevitable. But it isn't the end of the road. It is a turn around a bend and unto a new and better path. This is the truth that I choose to believe.
Personally I applauded Manju Warrier, the new divorcee, for the stand she took on the whole matter. Not once did she appear in the media in an attempt to attain public sympathy. She made no comments and steadfastly stuck to keeping her private life just that, private.
She then went on to be the face of a renowned jewellery brand and soon relaunched her acting career as well, and I bowed before her brave attempt to repair and renew her life.
Perhaps that's why it came as quite a shock when a few very close friends of mine announced a different sentiment towards the actress.
One particular friend went to the extent of saying that she did not approve of the whole affair at all. Once one was married then the commitment is for life, was her take. Especially if there are children involved. This friend believed that the actress had no right getting divorced and definitely had no business trying to build a career after it all. She was a wife and a mother and she should have stayed as such no matter what the circumstances. Honestly, I couldn't believe my ears.
I mean it's all fine for the wife to be submissive, at least to a limit. But how far is she expected to bend? But that's beside the point.
The actual point is, who are we, the common public, to judge whether a woman and a man should remain married? We don't know their lives. We have absolutely no idea why they chose to take such a step then what right do we have to judge them?
And why judge her in particular? What if she had no choice in the matter?
Because if what the grapevine says is true then it was the take of the actor in question that actually lead to the whole sad situation. But funnily no one seems to want to place any blame on him. All you need to do is just check out their Facebook pages. Dilip has adoring comments from adoring fans while Manju's on the receiving end of quite a bit of sarcasm.
So men may do as they wish and women should just suffer in silence? Shouldn't she have a right to a dignified life where she should be allowed to know and do what is best for her?
Another point that my friend brought up was the fact that the only child of the pair had chosen to be with the father. This fact, she concluded, only proved that there was something very wrong with the mother!
Again I say, we have no idea what their lives are all about.
To me, I believe that Manju is a lady who stood up for herself in spite of it all.
She did not allow herself to be broken with the unfortunate turn her life took.
She fell, but she picked herself right back up, brushed herself down and is now striding forward with all her strength.
She is a woman who has proved with her life that the past should be left alone, the present is to be lived and the future is to be looked forward to.
It's a shame that women condemn her.
This is a woman who should be admired by her own sex for the strength of character she has displayed.
This is a woman who should be seen as a leader for other women facing similar situations. She has definitely set the right example. She has proved that a woman may face a lot of trials but she can't and won't be beaten.
We all have just one life. It is our responsibility to make the most of it.
I'm sure she has a lot of friends and family standing up with and for her but I'm also sure she would be aware of public sentiment, yet despite all that she's still moving ahead and all I have to say, all that we should all say is bravo!
I think it is unjust to demand that a couple, once married should remain married all their lives. Especially in a country where arranged marriages are so popular. Two people who may not be compatible in any way are some times tied together with the bond of marriage. Rather than spending the rest of their lives in misery, wouldn't it only be fair to them that they move their separate ways and make better lives for themselves?
So many marriages are loveless.
So many people are sadly stuck together only because there are children in the equation.
Divorce rates are on the high now and frankly, that isn't healthy. We find a lot of couples breaking up within just months of togetherness. Could they have really tried hard enough?
So where does one draw the line?
What's the limit at which one can decide that it's time to move on?
Unfortunately there are no guidelines.
Marriage is indeed a sacred constitution.
But it demands a lot of effort, understanding, patience and yes, love, but most of all respect, for it to really work.
One partner would be aggressive and the other submissive, that's how the equation normally works. If both are on the same side of the fence then woe to them!
Each has to contribute and each has to be committed, just as in any other relationship, but only more.
And despite it all, if pain, anger, disgust and hatred flood in and settle down then it may be beyond repair.
In such cases, it just doesn't make sense in prolonging a farce. Move on.
But if there's even the slightest glimmer of hope then grab it and hold it tight and don't ever let it go, because you're one of the rare lucky ones!
And for those who have to move apart and ahead on their own, the pain would be inevitable. But it isn't the end of the road. It is a turn around a bend and unto a new and better path. This is the truth that I choose to believe.
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