Trying Times

I've read so much, about the wars, about the holocaust, about dictators, about tremendous suffering but never did I imagine that I too would live through a time that will go down in history as one of the worst global pandemics ever.

Yes the toll of death may be lower than the millions that were wiped out from plagues, yes the disease may not be as horrific either, but multitudes are still suffering. Moreover, when we overcome this which we will, life may not be what it once was anymore.

Over the last few days, many have responded to the covid-19 crisis in many different ways. Some have taken the opportunity to be productive, some have resorted to humour, some to worry and others have just given in to boredom or sadly even fear.

This morning I woke up to a series of messages suggesting that the world is probably coming to an end. The messages were meant to inspire the godly, reminding them that life on earth is but a passing phase and god is taking us to better times and better places. And all I wanted to do was remind the author of these messages that the world has suffered and survived far worse. Our faith should be of sterner stuff. This should be the time that we remember how much the world has suffered in the past and yet grew on to be the world that we live in today. We should be thankful to god and hope and believe that this too will pass.

In a way, this is a transition, from life as we know to life that has to adapt to a new world.

Many other messages over the past few days were attempts to inspire, that we count the days till the lockdown is finished, but the way things are spiralling out of hand is a good indication that the lockdown may not be for just a week or two, but indefinite. Italy is proof.

Why do I choose to believe that the world is not ending yet? With perseverance, patience and dedication, Wuhan has pulled through and survived this crisis, how many they may have actually lost is a guess I fear to take but still, they pulled through. Italy too will survive this as it had survived the many wars and plagues in the past, with pain and loss, but it will survive. The worst is still to come to many other great countries. But India, my land, will probably lose much more.

Most of those who succumbed to covid-19 were sadly aged or unwell. India is young so the hope is the virus won't kill as many, but much of India is poor and this deadly virus has left them vulnerable to so much else including cholera, but the greatest killer would probably be hunger.

So those of us, secluded and safe in our comfortable homes with three square meals a day, be grateful.

I was blessed to visit Terezin, one of Hitler's dreaded concentration camps. I say blessed for that is indeed how I felt when I stood on that dreary site and visualised how tragic the lives of the Jews imprisoned there must've been at the time. Living from moment to moment, with no hope and nothing to look forward to. For them indeed, the world must have been at an end. And yet, some survived that fate and lived on to tell the horrendous tales of their endless and pointless sufferings.

Those who survived were not the fittest. Those who survived were those who had the will. They had the will to accept that their lives had changed forever, but more so they had the will to survive each day without giving up.

We too must have the will to overcome this.

We have everything at our doorstep, every opportunity and every support to beat this. Therefore be grateful. Let your prayers be those of gratitude. Be grateful for the love that surrounds you. For your family and friends. And every moment you feel weak and worry about your fate, remember the many including women and children who lived on a single meal a day are now left with absolutely nothing, not even water to drink.

If you feel life is unfair, and it is possible such thoughts will occur since we have always enjoyed freedom, be grateful that we live in a world that keeps us connected though we are forced to stay apart. Remember, till very recently, our Kashmir suffered worse and survived.

When impatience or boredom knocks at your door, pray for the health and welfare of the government, the officials and the medical workers who probably haven't had a full night's sleep since this nightmare began and who are the true warriors out on this deadly battlefield fighting for us, to keep us safe. Pray that the infected have the immunity to overcome this disease. Thank god for the many who have fought and defeated the disease. Pray that society stands together while apart to fight this for each other. Remember that this is not an infection that seeks its prey but a sickness where we choose to be the victim. Take the choice to stay safe.

Do not count the days, just take each day as it comes. Spend each moment wisely, productively. This is not the time to waste essentials but to use them frugally. For how long this may go on is unknown. Do not ponder on what was and what may be but school your mind to adapt.

Take inspiration from all the countries that are fighting this disease. Take inspiration from the wise scientists across the world fighting to find a cure, a vaccine, anything to beat this. Take inspiration from the leaders who are with us. And let that inspire our will to survive this.

But most of all, give in and accept the understanding that life has irreversibly changed, have the will to accept that change and adapt. New joys will come. A new day will be ours. But for now that can wait. Today our prayers are needed by many, pray for them.

Yet another year gone, but so many stayed on!

This is normally my favourite time of the year, the tail end. Probably because it gives me the chance to reminisce over the days gone by and to hope for the best in the year to come.

I often tend to write when I'm deeply affected, happily or otherwise, and this time is no different.

I know more than anyone else that imperfection is my middle name, and therefore I would like to share my love and gratitude to the many who have stood by me despite my many shortcomings. I owe it to them. I have been told I am difficult, stubborn, temperamental and I know I am in fact much worse! Many have come and gone but the few that stayed probably saw me for who I truly am and I am in their debt for their patience and understanding.

My greatest blessings ever are my daughters. Everything that I am and all that I do, is for them. No sacrifice is too great, no hardship too difficult, if it is for them. I've made many a mistake as a mother yet they continue to love me. I have often allowed impatience to get the better of me, and still they love me. Thankfully they seem to know that my heart beats just for them. They know that I will do everything I can to keep them safe and happy, that nothing matters more. They have grown to be such beautiful people and all I can think is how blessed I am to call them mine. The rewards of motherhood have been tremendous. Simply said, their love and their devoted faith is what keeps me going. 

The one who stepped in as a brother right from the time I was in pigtails, and stayed right there when many abandoned me, on whose back my children happily piggybacked, who wiped many a tear and shared many a laugh, who I know I just need to whistle for and he would be beside me no matter what. For him I am eternally grateful. 

For the brother who is more of a brother to me than my own. Who knows me exactly for what and who I am and still kindly and patiently cares. Who adores my children and who my children love with infinite fondness. For him too I am truly thankful. 

For my father. The one man who truly loved me unconditionally.

For my mother, who despite all our odds has been unconditionally committed in her loyalty to me, to whom I eventually find myself turning to every time I'm in need, for her I am grateful. 

For the only sister I know and have loved as my own. Despite hurdles and hurts, we found our way back to each other and to a blessed sisterhood that has faced enough tests and trials to prove its worth. 

For the few in the family who have been steadfast in their faithfulness, for them too I am humbled.

For friends. No words can spell the gratitude in my heart for the glorious gift of friendships I have been blessed with. During good times, bad times and trying times, they are the ones I know I can always count on. Especially the gentle one who continues to love me though much of who I am and what I do has been beyond her faith. 

I am especially thankful to those who came back. 

I had hurt them because I had been hurt, yet grace found a way of bringing them back to me and leading me back to them, these, I believe will be relationships that are forever, and I will be forever thankful for that. I am grateful for their kindheartedness and for allowing friendship overcome everything else. They taught me the true value of companionship and loyalty. They taught me that despite all my blemishes and flaws I am still loved, that I am still worthy of love. And that has been a lesson that I will cherish always. 

Today, these are the ones standing by me and I know I will always be just as committed to them too.

I am also grateful though immensely saddened, for those who moved away.

I am consciously aware of who and what I am. I am at that stage in life where I choose to live on my own terms. No longer do I abide by the so-called norms of a fickle society. No longer do I choose to heed those who were never there for me in the first place. I am answerable to my god, myself and no one else. I have striven long and hard to get to where I am today. It was not an easy journey, and often I had run the race all on my own. Therefore how I live and who I love is my business and no one else's, what is right by me may not be so for another but then what is right by them need not be so for me either. I do not judge and hence I do not appreciate being judged especially by those I deem unworthy. For those who chose to leave rather than understand me or accept me for who I am, for them too I am thankful because through them I realised the strength in me. 

I have no vengeance in my heart. Nor is there anger or pride or fear. But there is a primitive instinct to passionately protect. And I am not apologising for that. 

All that matters to me are those I love and who love me. I will continue to devote the best of me and all I have for those who are dear to me, to give them joy, peace and well-being. I will continue to work hard at fulfilling my responsibilities to the best of my abilities. I could have taken easier routes and destroyed homes and hearts. Instead I have chosen to build and maintain precarious balance. Ensuring those I love and who love me and those who love the ones I love are happy while I too am happy.

It may not make sense to some but it makes absolute sense to me and it is my life after all.

I look forward to the new year with faith and hope.

Faith that I would grow better as a person and do my best in all my roles - at home, at work and with all the world. That I would continue to give all I have to being a better mother, daughter, friend, sister, and everything else, and hope that God will be with me as He has been by me all these years - loving me with a breathtaking abundance that has never ceased to amaze me.

Here's wishing all my beloved ones a glorious year ahead.

Hey you. This is for you.

We all meet all sorts during the course of time, and believe me, I’ve often had to deal with the weirdest of the lot, some of whom were unfortunately pretty close to home. But today I want to talk of one particular breed of people. A breed that I believe are the lowest and the sickest of them all. Stalkers.

They are spineless cowards who feed off the fear they create in the victims they obsess over.

Anonymous letters, mails, calls, even gifts. Threats. These are just some of the ways they operate. And in cases of extreme manifestation stalkers would even approach the victim directly and shamelessly.

Apparently there are various categories of stalkers. There's the stalker who continues to cling on to a previous partner and refuses to accept that the relationship is over. Some stalkers fantasise that another individual is in love with them, and in most cases the latter would be totally ignorant of the obsession, this is often the case of celebrities who're stalked. Other stalkers drown in envy and resent the victim's relationships with others, in such cases, those directly involved with the victim may indirectly turn out to be victims themselves, of the stalker's rage.

Now why am I so obsessed about this?

Well, I want to share an experience that I have been forced to endure sporadically for over ten years.

You're probably thinking that I'm being stalked by a secret admirer, maybe I get anonymous gifts and flowers? Well I wish!!

First of all, my stalker is a woman. Yes. A woman. And I have chosen to share this on my blog because I know she stalks me online as well and I want her to know that I have had enough of her craziness.

I want her to know that I actually feel rather sorry for her but that I no longer have any more patience.

I want her to know that I know exactly who she is. I know who her husband is, who her family is. I know where she lives.

I want her to know that I have compiled an entire dossier of every single letter, mail etc she had the stupidity to send to me over the years.

And I want to make it very clear to her that I have enough evidence against her.

Yes evidence. Because stalking in India is a criminal and punishable offence.

And now, let me rewind and start at the beginning.


She latched onto me almost ten years ago. In the beginning I was an indirect victim, the true object of her obsession was a friend of mine. Gradually I became the main target. My crime? My friendship.

In the beginning she would send anonymous mails, at least she thought they were anonymous because she was stupid enough to think that if she'd sent them from different email addresses I wouldn't be able to figure out who she is.

Each email was traced back to her residential address in Vizag.

She then resorted to calling me, but perhaps because my instincts were on high alert at the time, I could identify her and was on immediate guard.

Her attacks are sporadic, almost periodic. Once a mail or a letter arrived, it would be immediately followed up with one or two more, and then there would be a sudden and absolute silence. Sometimes she would disappear for years, and gradually I would ease up, hoping she was finally done with me until suddenly out of the blue she would start the attack again.

I don't deny that initially she would accomplish what apparently is the motive of every stalker - to terrorise me with such repeated attacks. Because, in the beginning, every time I received a mail or a letter from her I would feel violently violated.

Her language is crass. The sentences clash madly. Each letter carries filthy references to innocent friends, family and colleagues of mine. Each letter is a senseless mess of ugly abuse hurled with such intense hatred and anger that I have often wondered how someone could have so much negativity within them and still survive. Especially someone who had never met me. Each letter proves that she is so severely obsessed with my existence that she stalks me on every possible channel and platform. Every and any presence of mine, online or offline, is minutely scrutinised to such an extent that she's even researched everyone who's associated with me, be it closely or not. She is aware of every picture or post of mine or tagged to me.

Things hit a horrible high, when, around 3 years ago I was sitting at an airport waiting for a flight home and this strange woman approached me. She seemed almost gleeful to have met me and threw several names of people I knew. Being me, I was polite and assumed she was who she claimed to be, a freelance writer, until the conversation started to turn weird. And that was when it struck me. This was that woman. I gave her a clear hint that I had recognised her, she left immediately and that was the last I had heard of her. Until a couple of weeks back. I guess I should have known that if she could succumb to the extreme manifestation of her madness and approach me directly and confidently then she was definitely not going to stop.

The most recent attack was an anonymous letter sent to my office just a few weeks back. This time however, I felt no fear. I felt no anger either. I just felt very sorry for a very very sick individual.

As I read it I realised that she's just a pathetic deranged coward, who is obviously drowning in her mad psychotic fantasies.

She obviously has no idea that there's no point not putting a name to her letters and mails to me, because it can easily and clearly be proved that she's the author of each one. Yes. Today there are language experts who can vouch in courts of law and their testimonies are considered admissible.

You see, I've been doing my research.

I've understood that stalkers have innumerable mental disorders, they are driven by anger, obsession, envy and frustration. Their crazed minds cook up all sorts of madness that justifies their malicious actions in their heads. And in my case, I have also found out that her madness was actually encouraged even more by a couple of individuals who had their own selfish reasons to persecute me.

Anyway, it seems female stalkers are the worst of the sick lot. Most cases show that they can continue to stalk for years and are very difficult to shake off. Well, that's definitely the case in my story.

But I have chosen to take a purposeful turn in the story she's trying to create for me.

So this is my message - I am not afraid of you. I do not give a damn about you. I have lived my life on my terms and I will continue to live my life on my terms. You and whatever you think or do has absolutely no significance to me. No matter what you try you are powerless and worthless to me. I have had enough of you. So I choose to pray for you. I choose to pray for your poor trapped tormented soul. So every time you experience any joy or happiness in your life you will know that that's because I have been praying for you. If you still choose to approach or attack me, directly or indirectly, then I will report you, I will have a case filed against you, I will ensure that you are legally punished for the crimes committed against me. I will inform your family and I will see to it that you are given the help that you obviously and desperately need.

You do not know me. I am far beyond anything you could possibly imagine me to be. I am proud and happy to be me and I enjoy a great peace of mind because I know that whatever you do I will always be happy that I am me.

Selfless or Selfish? What are you?

Over the years we meet many, some stay on while others float away.

Some are kind and strong, others are cruel and weak.

Some help us grow, others break us down.

Because everyone has their strengths, and unfortunately they have their imperfections too.

Often we end up getting too close and too involved before true colours are revealed.

I've realised that the strengths in everyone is often due to selflessness while selfishness is mostly the cause of many a wrong.

I've also realised that you either love or you don't. You cannot love a little or too much. Maybe that's why many mistake fondness and attraction for love and eventually head for disaster. Of course fondness, attraction, obsession and even a casual acquaintance or a regular friendship can grow to be love. In fact, love that is selfish can mature to be selfless too.

Which brings us to the difference in selfless and selfish love.

I've seen many people who believe that theirs is the ultimate love and still go out and wreak total havoc on the very people they claim to love so very much, all because their own happiness mattered more. What could possibly be more selfish?

I've seen kind souls surrender completely, giving up on themselves and giving in to the relentless demands of thoughtless self-indulgent partners only for the sake of the relationship, for the sake of love, for peace - how more selfless can one be?

I had once been selfish too.

There had been a time, when, for a long long time, I had been miserable, and I had unwittingly done everything possible to make the one person I love just as miserable. I had quarrelled and fought, argued and cried, pleaded and begged. All because I believed that I ought to be loved in a specific way, that I deserved to be cared for in my way and therefore no other way was acceptable. I was convinced that I was perfect enough to be important enough. Thankfully I came to my senses before I lost it all.

Perhaps the experiences and attitudes of others around me led me to the light. And I learnt that to truly love was to allow the other to be truly happy, be it with you or because of you or otherwise. For ultimately, in their happiness is your happiness.

And this is true not just between man and woman but between parent and child, between friends, between siblings and in every other relationship that survives on love.

I have watched as loved ones destroyed relationships all in the name of love. Even families have been torn apart solely for one person's selfish interests. What is worse is even children have not been spared. Innocence is ripped up and children who should be allowed to grow in joy and security are dragged into bitter messes, pitched by one parent against the other, again, all in the name of love.

I've listened to friends share their aching hearts, hurting because the one they love does not love them back the way they want or believe they need. Amidst all the pain they fail to see that everyone is different. Each one thinks, feels, dreams and loves differently. It just takes an effort - to understand how the other loves best and to love back as best as you can in every way you know. No two people are the same, however much you may love each other. Your thoughts, opinions, beliefs and needs are different. The more compatible you are the better you'll get along, that's all. And if the love is true then you take the effort to work on getting along better.

See that's the key. Being selfless not just in love but in loving too. And going out of your way to share your love with your loved one in ways that will be appreciated and needed.

Sadly it isn't easy. Because when we, who are born of weak human nature, give we expect to be given back in kind or more. Because we are important to ourselves.

I too used to believe that if I didn't stand up for me then no one would. Unfortunately I stood up for all the wrong reasons. I believed that since I loved with utmost sincerity and since I gave primary importance to the other then I too deserved equal measure in return. It was only later that I realised that I was measuring as per my selfish standards.

There's no doubt, ego plays a huge role when it comes to being selfish. Especially when it comes to love.

The egoistic believe that they deserve nothing but the best. They see only the best in themselves and the worst in their partners. Their egos ensure that they think only of themselves, convincing them that they and only they know what is best not just for themselves but for everyone around them as well! Their egos gleefully lead them to ruin families and relationships so that the ego may win. Such individuals can hold on to grudges and resentment for long ages and will wait with patience for the first opportunity to strike with vengeance.

What they fail to realise is that in the end, ego will be all they have left.

Ego blinds them to the pain they cause everyone else, sadly, children unwittingly pay the highest price. Some wounds never heal, especially the wounds of the young.

Those that are egoistic are known to have superior complexes and find it next to impossible to even consider that they may have flaws or imperfections or are capable of mistakes and failure. They are judgemental and unforgiving and expect everyone to toe the lines they draw.

Their ego twists them to selfishly believe that they are above and beyond all. Their thoughts are steered only around them - their pain, their losses, their loneliness and of course, their happiness.

Selfishness prevents them from seeing that everything they desire and long for can actually and should actually come from within. That they need not go any further, that they themselves can satisfy all that they crave. Instead they choose to put the blame of their misery on others.

I believe that our happiness is our responsibility and no one else's. It is up to us to find our own happiness. And it is unjust to expect a loved one to take on the responsibility of our happiness.

Simply put, unrealistic expectations are a result of pure selfishness.

To love with selflessness does not mean sacrificing your own needs and dreams. It merely means letting love fly free. Love should never be binding but invigorating. Love a person for his or her personality and individuality. Not for the way they love you in return. No one should feel compelled to love, especially the one you love.

To love selflessly is to know and understand the imperfections and flaws of the other and to still love with abundance despite it all.

At times responsibility demands that we be selfless.

We are sometimes forced to choose between our own happiness and the happiness of others. I have seen those who chose themselves over others. Some are happy and others are happy for them, those are the lucky ones. But some aren't happy enough because others are too hurt to accept or support their happiness.

And then there are those who choose to value the happiness of others over their own. They are the ones who take responsibilities seriously. Some do not totally abandon their own joys. They treasure nooks and corners of personal happiness. Life may not be perfectly rosy but at least they're happy, at least they're doing what they can to keep others happy too. To me, those are the ones I admire because it's so easy to throw everything away for your own sake but to hold on to everything for everyone else's sake is the toughest road yet.

I believe the greatest responsibility is that of a parent. A child does not ask to be born to a particular set of parents. In fact, no child is given the liberty to pick his parents. But we have the freedom to choose whether we want a child or not. Choosing to be parents does not just mean satisfying our primitive urge to nurture and care. It comes with a whole lot of duties as well. Once you're a parent the self needs to take the backseat whether you like it or not. You are responsible for that little one you helped give life to. Once you're a parent, your perspectives have to change. It is your responsibility to ensure you do your bit to provide a healthy happy home to the child, to ensure he or she grows to be a kind, happy and loving individual. And that doesn't just mean spending quality time with them, it also means ensuring that the atmosphere they are in, especially at home, is peaceful.

I have seen how harmful self-centred couples can be to their own children. I have seen how some children grow to carry much of that resentment and hate into their own adulthood and perhaps what I have seen and experienced taught me to constantly strive to give my children the best of myself and all that I have. I know I am not the best of mothers but I also know I try hard to be better all the time.

I have often been judged for the choices I have made in my life. My take is clear. No one has the right to decide how I live.

Some have declared my life a mere bubble, one even went to the extent of publicly claiming that my life was ruined. Sadly they choose not to see the peace and joy I have been blessed with after long years of struggle and strife. Sadly they have proved that they do not belong with me because they have chosen not to know me.

Perhaps such people envy that I have the spirit to decide to live against norms. Or maybe it's simply because they haven't lived my life therefore they do not know nor care to understand my story. Or maybe they're just trying to justify their own so-called principles.

I have been shocked by how quickly people change depending on what works for them. One moment they're on your side for they have much to gain from you, but the moment they have no need of you, boom! The mask falls away, and the ugliness is revealed.

I was once told that I was allowing myself to be unworthy and that if I continued as I was, I would never be loved or respected with the worth I deserve. But who is the judge of my worthiness? When I know and welcome the respect and adoration I am given why should I bother to listen to those guided only by selfishness and a god complex?

A huge chunk of love depends on respect and respect cannot be demanded. Likewise worthiness. Only if there is worth will there be respect.

I was advised to leave the road I'm on for a path others believed was better. Who would know better what route was best for me?

I love for the joy of loving and being loved, and shame to those who choose to read anything else in the way I am and the choices I've made.

True I do not follow society's so-called standards. But again I say, I love and am loved. I respect and am respected. I have found my own way to happiness and to giving happiness. And during the times I am on the sidelines I am happier still, because I know my heart is needed and cared for.

Actually there's this long bit of advice that came my way some time back that actually convinced me that I am indeed in the right place for me rather than pull me back as had obviously been intended. It helped me take a step away from myself and see my own life from a different perspective. It showed me how selfish I had been and how selfless I could be. In fact it showed me how unlike that advisor I wanted to be. Ever since, I have enjoyed a freedom that my heart has rejoiced in.

I do not have a set of rules on how I should be loved. I do not demand that those I love be perfect. As long as I am happy and I can provide happiness what more should or could I possibly want? Some have the audacity to demand that I change my ways if I want them in my life. All I can say is, it was nice knowing you but I'm obviously better off without you.

I am clear, I do not and will not impose my choices on others, and therefore I will not accept terms and conditions from others either.

It is sad how bluntly people choose to judge. What right does anyone have to judge another's choices?

Before you judge, before you advise, before you condemn, just think. Are you worthy enough?

Are you selfish or selfless?

Life lessons

It's been a while since my last post, which is perhaps why this is the perfect comeback for me personally!

Many mothers claim a bond with their unborn babies during pregnancy unfortunately I couldn't count myself as one of them, probably because it had all been way too new and a bit too much for me. The drastic physical changes, the consistent nausea, the lingering tiredness, the abnormal and perpetually swollen feet and of course, the belly that just kept growing larger and larger! Sure, I was thrilled to bits when my baby girl started to move within me but I was still too immature to value the experience more.

But the moment she was born, the moment I held her in my arms for the first time, that was when I knew, my life had changed forever. That was when I truly and completely fell in love for the first time ever; and in that moment I knew that what I felt in my heart was a love meant for always.

I realised then that I now had someone to whom I was committed to for life and longer. Someone who, as tiny as she may be, had claimed complete ownership over me, and whose bond to me was as unique and special as mine was with her.

And since that very moment my heart has never stopped dancing despite the years that have gone by.

It's been such a glorious journey. But to be honest it hasn't always been perfect. I've screwed up way more times than I would like to admit however this much I have to say my dear little one, within the past 18 years you have made a far better person of me than I ever dreamt I could possibly be, and I am always so grateful that God loved me enough to gift me with you. As a mother my greatest wish is to give you all that I have and all that you want. But perhaps the best I can give are the lessons I've learnt from my experiences and more so from my mistakes, so that hopefully you won't have to repeat them!

Before I begin though, allow me to say, my heart fills with so much pride every time I see the beautiful, wonderful person you've grown to be.

Sensible and delightful, you're the calm to my chaos. Of course, and thankfully, you have your own madnesses as well!

Every time I think of you and know you were born of me, my heart swells. Despite your young years, you have so much wisdom and you've taught me so much that I doubt there's much I can say that you don't already know but still, I'd like to give it a shot!

My dear child, just as your life and your dreams are your own, so is your happiness. Do not give anyone the key to your happiness, but keep it close to your heart. Do not expect anyone to take the effort to make and keep you happy at all times because, and this is one of the greatest truths I've learnt about life, your happiness is your responsibility and no one else's. It doesn't matter to anyone else that you be happy as much as it matters to you.

Of course you will find happiness with others, be grateful. But never ever expect too much. Expectations are often the root cause for many a sorrow.

Discover happiness in all that you do and all that you are.

Learn that the small things in life are the most satisfying. A good book, great food, captivating lyrics, soft birdsong, splendid sunsets, gentle rain - all the simple pleasures of life are the sweetest joys ever and the list is endless. Of course there's no harm in relishing a luxury or two, pamper yourself whenever you can, believe me, you will be thankful!

A great joy however is being responsible for a moment of happiness in another. So do what you can to make others happy. Give of what you have and of who you are whenever and wherever possible, learn the art of giving because and trust me here, the joy of giving without expecting or wanting anything in return is beyond words. Be generous, of what you have and who you are, and never demand gratitude in return.

To be happy or to be miserable is truly and eventually your choice so choose wisely because only you can make the right choice for you.

Learn from the past, live in the present and look forward to the future.

It's easy to say that you shouldn't turn back nor should you aspire to the future, but trust me, it's humanly impossible to do for us ordinary people, so just tweak things a bit.

The past is your best teacher. Learn from it. Make the best of the moment you're in and always, always dream to reach the stars because dreams carry you up and ahead.

And that brings me to another important fact. The dreams you dream today for your tomorrows may not necessarily be the dreams you dream in future. Desires, aspirations, wishes, ambitions all change as you grow older and wiser. Don't be obstinate but allow yourself to grow better.

Adapt yourself and all that makes you who are to the situations and circumstances that life takes you through. Always believe that tomorrow will be a better day.

Many a time, too much may be beyond your control, learn to accept what cannot be changed and find happiness in what you are and have at the moment. I have often, and sadly, seen so many people disillusioned and disappointed because they refuse to accept the lives they have and instead of making the best of life they waste all that they have been given.

Always be honest to yourself. Hypocrisy must never be a choice, believe me you don't want to turn against yourself. Stick by your beliefs and principles. Many may not approve. Many may criticise and judge but you know your life best and you know what is best for you. At the end of the day, what others think or say should not matter, what your conscience says is what you should be concerned about because you have to live with yourself. Be aware that what is right for you may not necessarily be right for another and what is wrong to you may seem right to others, it all depends on the perspective. No one is perfect.

Your conscience is the voice of your inner self. Listen carefully and pay heed, you won't be misguided.

People will come and go. Family is god-given and should ideally be with you and by you always. Friends are your choice so, again, choose wisely.

Understand that you are unique and there's no other person exactly like you.

You may have friends who will get along well with the person that you are, be grateful always, for such friends are a grace of God. But also be well aware that differences can arise. Look beyond that, learn to appreciate the similarities and respect the differences. True relationships, committed friends and good people are hard to come by so treasure those in your life.

And remember dear, give respect if you wish to be respected in return.

Hurt will come, and sometimes from those who mean a lot. Just as you can't help being who you are they can't help being themselves. Some may hurt intentionally, others may repent. Always forgive. And for those worth it always be generous with as many second chances possible. Learn from the lessons such experiences teach you and always, always make sure you forgive, right from the depths of your heart, because a vengeful, grudging, brooding, hating, spiteful heart is such a terrible burden to bear.

Always remember that people can and often do change. Many may turn out to be very different from what they seem so, again, be aware.

Let go of what you cannot change. Do not hold grudges, do not carry vengeance, life is way too short so spend your time doing and being what makes you blossom.

Break away from negativity. Seek the positive in even the worst, your free heart will be grateful. And remember, forgive yourself always for all the mistakes and wrongs you may commit. Allow yourself to move on with your heart at peace with you at all times.

Always know the person that you are. Be consciously aware of your immense talents, innumerable gifts and abundant intelligence. Be equally conscious of your weaknesses, shortcomings and incapabilities. Again no one is perfect, including you. Accept the person you are, better what you can, and live in peace everyday with you.

We all do foolish things that we regret, it's only human. Always act upon regret. Make up for an unkind word or deed. Try to make right what you may have done wrong. Try to sleep each night with the knowledge and faith that you have done no wrong to another during the day.

Always treat others with respect, those closest to you deserve your best behaviour and this is a lesson I learnt the hard way! Be sensitive always to the feelings and situations of others. Never take anyone or anything for granted, what you have today may be snatched away tomorrow, so be grateful always.

Never allow pride to step over love. It's so easy to give in to selfishness, and though there may be times when you will be forced to place yourself before others, be wise during such moments and make decisions carefully. Your happiness should not be at the unfair expense of another's pain, especially a loved one's.

It's fine to be stubborn occasionally and especially when you believe you are in the right but the moment you know you're wrong take no shame in admitting so, it will only bring you more love and respect.

When in love, love completely and wholly but wisely. Your heart and your mind should be in perfect synchronicity in a relationship. The moment the balance slips is the moment you should sit up and pay attention. Compromises are a must in every relationship but when compromises are all that there is then it's time to give the situation serious thought. And always remember, though there may be love there must definitely be respect.

Respect is the driving force behind every successful relationship. If you are not respected then you do not belong, it's as simple as that.

Commitments are meant to be kept so be very sure of the commitments you make. Especially in a relationship. Staying committed to a meaningless relationship however makes no sense. Stay on for as long as you believe in it, work hard to make things work for as long as you know it's worth it but if your heart is no longer in it then perhaps it's best for all that you move on.

Be committed to the responsibilities you undertake. Studies, work, family, friends, everything comes with responsibility and with responsibility often comes hard-work and sacrifice. Don't shy away from your responsibilities but take pleasure in them. Be clear of your priorities and give your best as best as you can.

Aim to do what you enjoy. I have seen many people who consider a job to be just that and I know many who are blessed with the fortune of living their passion. If you're not passionate about what you do then a job would be just a tedious effort you're forced to undertake, but if you're fortunate enough to do what you love then each day would be exciting to say the least! And the more you enjoy what you do the better you'll be and the further you'll grow!

Allow yourself to share, of yourself and all that you are with those who place their trust in you. You may be let down but don't let it dishearten you. Love is meant to be shared.

 The greatest pillar of strength in life should and must be prayer.

We have no idea where our tomorrows will take us, we have no knowledge of what lies ahead on this road called life. Place yourself in the hands of the power that can work great miracles simply because you believe. Have faith. In yourself and in God. Believe in the power of prayer. Always wish the best for everyone including yourself and believe that God knows your heart then, trust me, better than the best will be yours.

Life is a discovery, of yourself, your inner self, God and others, try to enjoy every moment to its fullest, hold no regrets for the moments you haven't been your best, always know you are greatly loved for the person you are, not for who you may become, but for just you.

Being Woman

There's never been a moment in all my life that I've ever regretted being a woman. I've had a lot of regrets over a lot of things over the years, but this was definitely not one. In fact I have always enjoyed every bit of my, well, for want of a better word, womanhood.

When both my daughters were born I had wept tears of joy. Not once did I ever wish for a boy. And I have no regrets about this either. Rather, they're the biggest blessings I've ever been gifted with and I cherish them more than life.

Now, on this so called day celebrating women, while my mailboxes and social accounts pile up with posts and forwards praising the greatness of the feminine, some genuine but most screaming sarcasm, I feel I need to speak up, for myself and for other women.

We don't need a special day just for us, cos come on, is that all we're worth?? We need every day to be special, just as every day needs to be special for every one.

Women deserve respect and appreciation if and when earned. Just as with anyone else.

Not just because we give birth or cook or keep house or work 8 hour shifts, but for all of it and more. Women are the best multi-taskers. We've proved over and over again that we can lead, we can teach and we can achieve. We deserve to be loved for the love we lavish out unconditionally. To our men, our children, our friends, and yes, to ourselves. We are a loyal and committed breed and I'm sure there isn't a man out there who doesn't have a woman he has fond memories of, be it his mother, lover or daughter.

Thankfully I've been blessed with the presence of several kind men in my life, my husband included, who allow me the freedom to spread my wings and soar, who smile when I succeed and who gently help me get back to my feet when I stumble or fall.

To me that's the greatest support a woman could ever ask for.

Through my career, I've met many a man who clearly displays his despicable ego especially against women and though it often confused me at first, I soon realised that he was merely attempting to cover up his own incompetence and insecurities when faced with the stark reality that a woman was probably better at the job than he could ever be.

And such is the case for most working women.

Luckily I've also know some great guys, some I'm fortunate enough to work for and with, who are comfortable enough in their successes and abilities, who are open minded and large hearted and most of all who acknowledge your talents and appreciate your intelligence, not because you're a woman but because you're a capable person.

Unfortunately some men, though apparently mature enough to know better, still find it irksome to admit that a woman could possibly know better. They choose to argue, to admonish and to oppose women who speak their minds merely because they feel belittled by the knowledge that a woman could actually teach them a thing or two.

In fact one person I know argues on every point I tend to mention, not because he knows better but because he's ashamed that he doesn't. I attribute his stupidity to the fact that he's lived all his life in a small town, may have a lot of money but has hardly travelled or read enough to know better and therefore can't help his cheap arrogance. However I must confess that it vexes me no end, especially when I know I'm right but the decency within me forces me to suffer his ego, more so when he claims to know me yet obviously knows nothing at all.

Still, I'm quite happy to say that many of my best and closest friends are men. Men have taken the effort to encourage me and push me on every time I've stalled. Men have taken the time and have had the patience to deal with my tantrums and tears every time I've needed a shoulder to cry on or a head to scream at. Plainly put, men understand me better.

Unfortunately not every woman is as lucky.

I've seen many an educated and intelligent woman forced into submission by men who think no end of themselves, merely to keep peace in the family.

It's sad.

Women have been denounced as the weaker sex for so long that some have come to terms with it.

So many women are forced to continue in unhappy marriages because they are convinced that without a partner they will never survive.

Many women are bursting with talents and desires but have to suppress it all because it does not please the man of the house.

Father, brother, husband, one after the other, the Indian woman has to bow her head to the wishes of the men in her life, before her own. Whether she likes it or not, whether she wants to or not.

Permissions are needed even to go for a movie or a simple lunch outing. They're so used to it that it's a way of life now.

There had been a time when I was very young, when I had literally been under lockdown and not allowed out alone much. Thankfully marriage, kids and a great job changed all that.

At times some women are even unluckier than the rest.

Sometimes her femininity is her curse and she has to suffer the inhumane humiliation of being overwhelmed physically and violated violently.

If only all men would understand and accept that a woman is much more than just a body. But that's a whole other topic for another day and another post.

Now you'd think that women would appreciate women the most. Not really.

I'm forced to say that of the few who have stabbed me in the back some were, sadly, women. However I am grateful to them, for because of them I've grown stronger and wiser.

But I wish to give due credit to my own spirit for the person I've become.

Despite the attitude of the society I live in, despite the hostility and suspicion I'm often forced to face and at times from family and friends even, I have still succeeded to be selfish enough to live a life for myself. And I confess that it is the strength of my deep faith that has brought me this far.

Thankfully in today's day and age many recognise the worth of the woman.

I hope that when my daughters are grown capable adults, they would be treated with respect, they would be appreciated for their talents and skills, and they would be loved for the beautiful loving souls that they are and not just on days designated for women. But most of all, I hope they appreciate themselves, and they realise the beauty of being a woman.

Dear Zindagi

What would you do when you want to buy a chair?

Do you just walk into the first store you find and pick up the first chair you see? 

Do you allow another person to tell you which chair would suit you best? 

Or would you prefer to check each chair out? Sit in them, feel the texture, test the cushioning, experience the seat, in fact check all the options possible before taking a call?

Nothing could possibly beat this analogy to making the choice of a suitable partner in life.

It's sad that most Indian women are taught to believe that society knows better when it comes to making life's major decisions. In fact, we're told from a young age that it's improper to even consider an unwed relationship with a man or, god forbid, men! And most of us were forcibly convinced that we're better off marrying strangers because our parents, families and oh yes, society believes that that's what's best for us. 

At a young age, the responsibility of the family's good name is a burden that many a 'proper' Indian girl is forced to bear. 

Thank God attitudes are changing. And thank God I'm a different breed! 

As the mother of a teenager myself, I believe that each individual, my daughter included, should be allowed the right to choose what is best for her in the long run. Be it in her studies, her career, her friends and of course her partners. I choose to pluralise that because I want her to eventually pick the chair that's perfect for her and thankfully I'm sensible enough to know that sometimes the first chair you choose may not be best suited for you so yes, as a responsible mother I want her to try a chair or two until she gets to the chair she's the most comfortable and the happiest with. After all, a mother can only want the best for her child. It's her life, she should have the right to enjoy it as best as she can, living it to the fullest. She should know that it's fine to make mistakes but most of all she must know that a mistake is not the end but the beginning of another better road. 

Dear Zindagi teaches you all that and more, proving that the simplest of stories can reveal the truest beauty of good living. 

The movie revolves around Kaira, a young girl, on the threshold of adulthood yet still so much a child, and +Alia Bhatt does more than mere justice to the role. The young actress literally lives the character, in fact, in many an instant I couldn't but help relate her to my own child!

Every scene is so beautifully thought and exquisitely portrayed. Her moments of innocent bliss, her troubled spells of indecision, her painful loneliness, her aggressive ambition and her frustrated struggles to earn a place in a male-dominated field. Every aspect of the protagonist is depicted with such precise perfection that the entire movie is such a joy to watch.

And of course, it's the spine that holds the tale together and here the movie rests on the calm serene presence of none other than the Badshah himself, +Shah Rukh Khan.

His quiet guidance that slowly convinces the young girl to open her heart and reveal the hurt that had been aching within her for years, is portrayed with interminable grace and poise. His performance as the cheery psychologist whose patient endeavours helps the young Kaira overcome her inhibitions and her despairs, to blossom into the wonderful talented confident young woman every child should grow to be, is beyond sublime. 

The incidents portrayed are so real they could happen to anyone.

Most parents sadly do not realise that the casual indifference they treat their young children with actually plays a huge role in moulding their characters. And often such rifts are left desperately unresolved.

The depiction of helpless dependence on equally inept peers for support pulls a heart string or two and one actually feels a sense of immense relief when Kaira finally reaches out for help, and thankfully to the right person!

The music is deeply appealing and Goa is without doubt the perfect sun-kissed locale to discover the joy in just living a good life. 

The supporting characters add just the right dash of spice, their adoration of Kaira reveals the lovable nature of her character. Men are instantly attracted to her magnetism yet left lost with no idea on how to handle her. Friends surround her with warmth and affection while family are helpless in their abundant love yet total inability to even understand her. 

All in all, we are taught to realise that our strength actually lies within each one of us. It is eventually upto us to choose how we live our lives. To decide whether to allow our past dictate the terms of our present at the cost of our future. We are shown that sometimes when lost in darkness there's no shame to ask for help. We don't need to be lead to the light, we can reach brilliance on our own it's just that we sometimes need to be prodded in the right direction. 

At the end of the day, you need to know who and what you are. You are answerable only to yourself and what anyone else thinks of you doesn't really have to matter.

You do not need to choose the difficult path because you think that's what's best for you. Sometimes the easier choice is the better choice in the long run. 

Dear Zindagi is yet another stroke of genius from Gauri Shinde, and is perhaps even a rung higher than her debut success English Vinglish. She's got some of the best talent in the industry portray some of the most sensitive characters possible and Dear Zindagi clearly screams - she's one to watch out for!

Plainly put, this is a movie I would definitely want my daughter to see because so much of what is taught here is what I would want her to know and live by.