The people within me

I've come to the conclusion that two individuals are residing within me and have been for a while. How they manage to coexist though is beyond my understanding. Because despite being special and unique they are poles apart in nature.

They are both extremely strong willed and possess separate well-defined beliefs and ideals yet they are unbelievably inseparable. Maybe that's because they don't have much of a choice, because their very existence demands that they remain intertwined forever.

And no, I do not have a split personality or a doppleganger syndrome.

I merely have a very soft mushy being in me that I call Heart and she has a lifelong reliable companion called Head. They can't do without each other but unfortunately, more times than not, they don't get along well with each other either.

Heart is exactly that. She's soft hearted, carefree and prone to love and to crave love. That's the only language she understands.

Head on the other hand, is sensible, realistic, cautious and has absolutely no time for sentimental nonsense. But don't get me wrong, he isn't a bad guy. In fact he's a great guy. He's kind and giving and caring with the urge to always do what is right. But he's still the guy. Should I say much more?

So Heart's the one who loves the fun while Head prefers to be suspicious of one and all, always on the lookout for danger, choosing to stay safe always. Troubleshooting and security management are his criteria while Heart loves romance, candlelit dinners, glorious sunsets and surprise gifts!

Heart's the impulsive of the two and is always rushing headlong into places Head cringes to even think of being in. He tries to hold her back, he tries reasoning, cautioning, scolding, counselling, he tries pretty much everything but there's only so much that he can do, because despite every advice Heart always turns the deaf ear to him. So all he can pretty much do is hope for the best, grab all his patience together and wait. Because he knows one thing for sure, she'll come back. At times happy and gleeful at her lucky escapades but many times disappointed and let down.

Head never lets Heart down though.

He celebrates with her when she's overjoyed. But he also holds her tight and gives her his shoulder to cry on when she wallows in pain. Head however has a problem, he has a temperament. He often loses control and gives in to terrible bouts of anger and frustration especially when he's overcome with helplessness at his inability to help Heart heal.

But again, Head is almost always the first to pull himself together and thankfully he never allows himself to drown in depression or anxiety for too long. So time and again he takes up the tedious task of coaching Heart, in an effort to pull her out of her misery. He repeatedly and patiently teaches her the lessons of life with presentations, explanations and proof, all in the desperate hope that she would finally learn, amend her ways and stick to life as it should be lived. He tries to show her where she'd gone wrong and where she needs to watch her step and for a short while she actually does pay attention.

But eventually Heart can't help herself and she gives in to the call of love, recklessly throwing all caution to the winds. Again.

Though Heart loves to love, Head is the possessive one. He hates it when Heart is misused or taken advantage of. It frustrates him that she doesn't see how naive she is and how others enjoy taking her for a ride. It hurts him that others don't value the beauty and innocence of all she's got to give. When Heart aches, Head hurts too. He wishes he could keep her all to himself. He wishes she'd be happy with just his company and nothing more. After all, who knew her better than him?

Heart on the other hand finds Head too serious and often tells him to lighten up, loosen up, relax and just enjoy each moment of each day.

She tries to explain to him that every time she fills herself up with hope and expectation, she's actually living. And though it hurts to be let down so often, she still has no regrets. Sure she'll cry and sob, but that's her way of getting over the pain because in a day or two she's ready to pick herself up, brush herself down and plunge right into the next ride. With the strong perpetual belief that this ride would be a glorious one.

She tries reasoning with him, as she tells him that that's the way she is, that's the way she has to be.

She needs to be full of love, expecting love, giving love. Birthing hope. All the time. That's the only way she can exist, the only way she can be happy.

Head always listens to her with patience. And since he believes he's the one with the intelligence, he actually feels he understands her. But he still can't help doing all he can to protect her. Because when Heart is hurt, Head feels the ache. So he is always planning and plotting. Working and reworking on how to secure every situation Heart finds herself in so that Heart would always be the beneficiary at the end. He's a sweet one, our Head. And Heart loves him dearly. Maybe it's because she knows she can always count on him that Heart knows she can spread her wings and fly, because she knows she has her sturdy dependable security net laid out beneath her wherever she may be. 

They're an amazing pair. So different yet so perfectly matched. So perfectly balanced.

When I ponder on them, my soul is struck with the realisation that Head and Heart are all I need for the perfect balanced existence. A happy peaceful existence.