Life lessons

It's been a while since my last post, which is perhaps why this is the perfect comeback for me personally!

Many mothers claim a bond with their unborn babies during pregnancy unfortunately I couldn't count myself as one of them, probably because it had all been way too new and a bit too much for me. The drastic physical changes, the consistent nausea, the lingering tiredness, the abnormal and perpetually swollen feet and of course, the belly that just kept growing larger and larger! Sure, I was thrilled to bits when my baby girl started to move within me but I was still too immature to value the experience more.

But the moment she was born, the moment I held her in my arms for the first time, that was when I knew, my life had changed forever. That was when I truly and completely fell in love for the first time ever; and in that moment I knew that what I felt in my heart was a love meant for always.

I realised then that I now had someone to whom I was committed to for life and longer. Someone who, as tiny as she may be, had claimed complete ownership over me, and whose bond to me was as unique and special as mine was with her.

And since that very moment my heart has never stopped dancing despite the years that have gone by.

It's been such a glorious journey. But to be honest it hasn't always been perfect. I've screwed up way more times than I would like to admit however this much I have to say my dear little one, within the past 18 years you have made a far better person of me than I ever dreamt I could possibly be, and I am always so grateful that God loved me enough to gift me with you. As a mother my greatest wish is to give you all that I have and all that you want. But perhaps the best I can give are the lessons I've learnt from my experiences and more so from my mistakes, so that hopefully you won't have to repeat them!

Before I begin though, allow me to say, my heart fills with so much pride every time I see the beautiful, wonderful person you've grown to be.

Sensible and delightful, you're the calm to my chaos. Of course, and thankfully, you have your own madnesses as well!

Every time I think of you and know you were born of me, my heart swells. Despite your young years, you have so much wisdom and you've taught me so much that I doubt there's much I can say that you don't already know but still, I'd like to give it a shot!

My dear child, just as your life and your dreams are your own, so is your happiness. Do not give anyone the key to your happiness, but keep it close to your heart. Do not expect anyone to take the effort to make and keep you happy at all times because, and this is one of the greatest truths I've learnt about life, your happiness is your responsibility and no one else's. It doesn't matter to anyone else that you be happy as much as it matters to you.

Of course you will find happiness with others, be grateful. But never ever expect too much. Expectations are often the root cause for many a sorrow.

Discover happiness in all that you do and all that you are.

Learn that the small things in life are the most satisfying. A good book, great food, captivating lyrics, soft birdsong, splendid sunsets, gentle rain - all the simple pleasures of life are the sweetest joys ever and the list is endless. Of course there's no harm in relishing a luxury or two, pamper yourself whenever you can, believe me, you will be thankful!

A great joy however is being responsible for a moment of happiness in another. So do what you can to make others happy. Give of what you have and of who you are whenever and wherever possible, learn the art of giving because and trust me here, the joy of giving without expecting or wanting anything in return is beyond words. Be generous, of what you have and who you are, and never demand gratitude in return.

To be happy or to be miserable is truly and eventually your choice so choose wisely because only you can make the right choice for you.

Learn from the past, live in the present and look forward to the future.

It's easy to say that you shouldn't turn back nor should you aspire to the future, but trust me, it's humanly impossible to do for us ordinary people, so just tweak things a bit.

The past is your best teacher. Learn from it. Make the best of the moment you're in and always, always dream to reach the stars because dreams carry you up and ahead.

And that brings me to another important fact. The dreams you dream today for your tomorrows may not necessarily be the dreams you dream in future. Desires, aspirations, wishes, ambitions all change as you grow older and wiser. Don't be obstinate but allow yourself to grow better.

Adapt yourself and all that makes you who are to the situations and circumstances that life takes you through. Always believe that tomorrow will be a better day.

Many a time, too much may be beyond your control, learn to accept what cannot be changed and find happiness in what you are and have at the moment. I have often, and sadly, seen so many people disillusioned and disappointed because they refuse to accept the lives they have and instead of making the best of life they waste all that they have been given.

Always be honest to yourself. Hypocrisy must never be a choice, believe me you don't want to turn against yourself. Stick by your beliefs and principles. Many may not approve. Many may criticise and judge but you know your life best and you know what is best for you. At the end of the day, what others think or say should not matter, what your conscience says is what you should be concerned about because you have to live with yourself. Be aware that what is right for you may not necessarily be right for another and what is wrong to you may seem right to others, it all depends on the perspective. No one is perfect.

Your conscience is the voice of your inner self. Listen carefully and pay heed, you won't be misguided.

People will come and go. Family is god-given and should ideally be with you and by you always. Friends are your choice so, again, choose wisely.

Understand that you are unique and there's no other person exactly like you.

You may have friends who will get along well with the person that you are, be grateful always, for such friends are a grace of God. But also be well aware that differences can arise. Look beyond that, learn to appreciate the similarities and respect the differences. True relationships, committed friends and good people are hard to come by so treasure those in your life.

And remember dear, give respect if you wish to be respected in return.

Hurt will come, and sometimes from those who mean a lot. Just as you can't help being who you are they can't help being themselves. Some may hurt intentionally, others may repent. Always forgive. And for those worth it always be generous with as many second chances possible. Learn from the lessons such experiences teach you and always, always make sure you forgive, right from the depths of your heart, because a vengeful, grudging, brooding, hating, spiteful heart is such a terrible burden to bear.

Always remember that people can and often do change. Many may turn out to be very different from what they seem so, again, be aware.

Let go of what you cannot change. Do not hold grudges, do not carry vengeance, life is way too short so spend your time doing and being what makes you blossom.

Break away from negativity. Seek the positive in even the worst, your free heart will be grateful. And remember, forgive yourself always for all the mistakes and wrongs you may commit. Allow yourself to move on with your heart at peace with you at all times.

Always know the person that you are. Be consciously aware of your immense talents, innumerable gifts and abundant intelligence. Be equally conscious of your weaknesses, shortcomings and incapabilities. Again no one is perfect, including you. Accept the person you are, better what you can, and live in peace everyday with you.

We all do foolish things that we regret, it's only human. Always act upon regret. Make up for an unkind word or deed. Try to make right what you may have done wrong. Try to sleep each night with the knowledge and faith that you have done no wrong to another during the day.

Always treat others with respect, those closest to you deserve your best behaviour and this is a lesson I learnt the hard way! Be sensitive always to the feelings and situations of others. Never take anyone or anything for granted, what you have today may be snatched away tomorrow, so be grateful always.

Never allow pride to step over love. It's so easy to give in to selfishness, and though there may be times when you will be forced to place yourself before others, be wise during such moments and make decisions carefully. Your happiness should not be at the unfair expense of another's pain, especially a loved one's.

It's fine to be stubborn occasionally and especially when you believe you are in the right but the moment you know you're wrong take no shame in admitting so, it will only bring you more love and respect.

When in love, love completely and wholly but wisely. Your heart and your mind should be in perfect synchronicity in a relationship. The moment the balance slips is the moment you should sit up and pay attention. Compromises are a must in every relationship but when compromises are all that there is then it's time to give the situation serious thought. And always remember, though there may be love there must definitely be respect.

Respect is the driving force behind every successful relationship. If you are not respected then you do not belong, it's as simple as that.

Commitments are meant to be kept so be very sure of the commitments you make. Especially in a relationship. Staying committed to a meaningless relationship however makes no sense. Stay on for as long as you believe in it, work hard to make things work for as long as you know it's worth it but if your heart is no longer in it then perhaps it's best for all that you move on.

Be committed to the responsibilities you undertake. Studies, work, family, friends, everything comes with responsibility and with responsibility often comes hard-work and sacrifice. Don't shy away from your responsibilities but take pleasure in them. Be clear of your priorities and give your best as best as you can.

Aim to do what you enjoy. I have seen many people who consider a job to be just that and I know many who are blessed with the fortune of living their passion. If you're not passionate about what you do then a job would be just a tedious effort you're forced to undertake, but if you're fortunate enough to do what you love then each day would be exciting to say the least! And the more you enjoy what you do the better you'll be and the further you'll grow!

Allow yourself to share, of yourself and all that you are with those who place their trust in you. You may be let down but don't let it dishearten you. Love is meant to be shared.

 The greatest pillar of strength in life should and must be prayer.

We have no idea where our tomorrows will take us, we have no knowledge of what lies ahead on this road called life. Place yourself in the hands of the power that can work great miracles simply because you believe. Have faith. In yourself and in God. Believe in the power of prayer. Always wish the best for everyone including yourself and believe that God knows your heart then, trust me, better than the best will be yours.

Life is a discovery, of yourself, your inner self, God and others, try to enjoy every moment to its fullest, hold no regrets for the moments you haven't been your best, always know you are greatly loved for the person you are, not for who you may become, but for just you.