Dear Zindagi

What would you do when you want to buy a chair?

Do you just walk into the first store you find and pick up the first chair you see? 

Do you allow another person to tell you which chair would suit you best? 

Or would you prefer to check each chair out? Sit in them, feel the texture, test the cushioning, experience the seat, in fact check all the options possible before taking a call?

Nothing could possibly beat this analogy to making the choice of a suitable partner in life.

It's sad that most Indian women are taught to believe that society knows better when it comes to making life's major decisions. In fact, we're told from a young age that it's improper to even consider an unwed relationship with a man or, god forbid, men! And most of us were forcibly convinced that we're better off marrying strangers because our parents, families and oh yes, society believes that that's what's best for us. 

At a young age, the responsibility of the family's good name is a burden that many a 'proper' Indian girl is forced to bear. 

Thank God attitudes are changing. And thank God I'm a different breed! 

As the mother of a teenager myself, I believe that each individual, my daughter included, should be allowed the right to choose what is best for her in the long run. Be it in her studies, her career, her friends and of course her partners. I choose to pluralise that because I want her to eventually pick the chair that's perfect for her and thankfully I'm sensible enough to know that sometimes the first chair you choose may not be best suited for you so yes, as a responsible mother I want her to try a chair or two until she gets to the chair she's the most comfortable and the happiest with. After all, a mother can only want the best for her child. It's her life, she should have the right to enjoy it as best as she can, living it to the fullest. She should know that it's fine to make mistakes but most of all she must know that a mistake is not the end but the beginning of another better road. 

Dear Zindagi teaches you all that and more, proving that the simplest of stories can reveal the truest beauty of good living. 

The movie revolves around Kaira, a young girl, on the threshold of adulthood yet still so much a child, and +Alia Bhatt does more than mere justice to the role. The young actress literally lives the character, in fact, in many an instant I couldn't but help relate her to my own child!

Every scene is so beautifully thought and exquisitely portrayed. Her moments of innocent bliss, her troubled spells of indecision, her painful loneliness, her aggressive ambition and her frustrated struggles to earn a place in a male-dominated field. Every aspect of the protagonist is depicted with such precise perfection that the entire movie is such a joy to watch.

And of course, it's the spine that holds the tale together and here the movie rests on the calm serene presence of none other than the Badshah himself, +Shah Rukh Khan.

His quiet guidance that slowly convinces the young girl to open her heart and reveal the hurt that had been aching within her for years, is portrayed with interminable grace and poise. His performance as the cheery psychologist whose patient endeavours helps the young Kaira overcome her inhibitions and her despairs, to blossom into the wonderful talented confident young woman every child should grow to be, is beyond sublime. 

The incidents portrayed are so real they could happen to anyone.

Most parents sadly do not realise that the casual indifference they treat their young children with actually plays a huge role in moulding their characters. And often such rifts are left desperately unresolved.

The depiction of helpless dependence on equally inept peers for support pulls a heart string or two and one actually feels a sense of immense relief when Kaira finally reaches out for help, and thankfully to the right person!

The music is deeply appealing and Goa is without doubt the perfect sun-kissed locale to discover the joy in just living a good life. 

The supporting characters add just the right dash of spice, their adoration of Kaira reveals the lovable nature of her character. Men are instantly attracted to her magnetism yet left lost with no idea on how to handle her. Friends surround her with warmth and affection while family are helpless in their abundant love yet total inability to even understand her. 

All in all, we are taught to realise that our strength actually lies within each one of us. It is eventually upto us to choose how we live our lives. To decide whether to allow our past dictate the terms of our present at the cost of our future. We are shown that sometimes when lost in darkness there's no shame to ask for help. We don't need to be lead to the light, we can reach brilliance on our own it's just that we sometimes need to be prodded in the right direction. 

At the end of the day, you need to know who and what you are. You are answerable only to yourself and what anyone else thinks of you doesn't really have to matter.

You do not need to choose the difficult path because you think that's what's best for you. Sometimes the easier choice is the better choice in the long run. 

Dear Zindagi is yet another stroke of genius from Gauri Shinde, and is perhaps even a rung higher than her debut success English Vinglish. She's got some of the best talent in the industry portray some of the most sensitive characters possible and Dear Zindagi clearly screams - she's one to watch out for!

Plainly put, this is a movie I would definitely want my daughter to see because so much of what is taught here is what I would want her to know and live by.

Yet again I say, always always forgive

I must say, the response to an earlier post of mine was quite overwhelming, in fact it left me speechless, which believe me, is saying a lot!

I received so many personal messages and mails from many I know and from many others I haven't yet met, and most of them supported my stand and shared my views. However a few dear ones took things a notch further and claimed that they could feel pain in my words. And then there were a few others who stated that I should just let go, apparently they got the impression that I'm still down and depressed over relationships long dead.

All in all, I feel compelled to set things straight.

Believe me, I do not dwell on the past. Life has proved to me that every day that comes is better than the day that's passed. So I prefer to live in the present as best as I can and hope for the best in the times ahead. It isn't easy especially during those times when the past sweeps its way in, but most of the time I manage. If I'm happy or sad, angry or just down I prefer to live in the mood and not relive it.

The hurt from betrayal can be long and painful, but the more you fan the flames the longer the pain lives on and that just won't take you anywhere other than to deeper agony, terrible remorse and a pitiful existence. But don't try suppressing your feelings either, trust me that doesn't help at all. Instead take the effort to focus on the better things in life and allow things to settle down naturally. Understand that you and only you are responsible for your own happiness. It may take time but you will heal. Before you realise it you would have moved happily on.

We all take a thing or two from the past for keeps. Fond memories, treasured moments and in cases of hurt - the lessons learnt.

I've been let down painfully by family, those closer than family and a few friends. Thankfully, I've tried to learn from the experiences and the biggest lesson they taught me was to realise how wonderful my other relationships were!

For everyone you lose you gain someone far better.

Gradually I stopped missing those who had chosen not to value my worth and soon I was grateful for their exit because they left behind a space that was filled by those far more deserving.

Therefore I say, be thankful for everyone who loves you and is with you and by you, they are worth your time, love and efforts. But be even more grateful for those who are no longer a part of your life, believe me, your world is far better without them.

Some may hurt you unintentionally, have the heart to forgive and the grace to give several second chances if need be, but only until your faith in them remains. There may come a time when they cross the line of no return. In which case close the door behind them.

You cannot control the loyalty of another. No matter how you are to them do not expect them to treat you likewise.

You may love with all your heart and soul but always know that you cannot compel another to love you in the million ways you long to be cared for. You can only teach yourself to be satisfied with the little they give. Not because that is what you deserve but because they have chosen to value you at only so much. They may mean the world to you but if they choose another over you then have the ability to know that it's their loss. It isn't your fault. Don't ever allow another to decide your worth.

What is right and correct by you may not be so for others.

Accept that just as you can't help being the person that you are, others can't help the way they think or behave.

Understand that ego is an ugly beast that rears its vicious head even in the most innocent of hearts. Do not allow it to reside within you, for then what would be the difference between you and those who have turned against you?

Always be the bigger person. Forgive. Always. Not for their sakes but for yours. The peace of mind that is born from a forgiving heart is but bliss.

Let go of the anger. Have faith in bigger greater things. I do. My faith is my strength.

There had been a time when I was accused of being a dark carrier of misfortune, so much so that I too ended up believing in it. But divinity saved me, revealing to me how, on various occasions, I was but the opposite.

Have no regrets because everything that happens always happens for the best.

Choose to let go of the ugly and the ugliness they bear. I delight in the better things in life. After all we have just one life so live it as well and as happily as you can. With those who know you and love you for who you are. You have no time to waste on the rest.

Do your best to right every wrong, but if it is beyond you then allow yourself to let go and move on, believing that a brightness awaits you at the turn of the corner ahead.

My biggest vices are my possessiveness and my insatiable greed for more love from those I love. The former has ruined the best and the latter added in the dirt. But still I shamelessly declare, this is me and this is the me I'll always be.

Once bitten twice shy as they say! To the winds with them I say!

Love as freely and as wildly as you wish! The world is so full of people who deserve to be loved with abandon.

Just be cautious with those who've caused pain. Remember lessons taught. Not for vengeance or revenge but merely to protect yourself from being hurt again.

As I'd mentioned in my earlier post, if they've betrayed you once they will not hesitate to hurt you again.

Why tumult yourself with all that pain yet again? You've learnt their true colours, you've experienced the pain they've caused, you've seen how low they'll stoop, love yourself enough to protect yourself from them henceforth.

Hence always remember to forgive but to never forget. For your own sake.

Let the pain leave but hold on to the lessons learnt.

Understand that everyone is selfish. Some will be with you only when they have the need, your needs will not matter. Others do what they can for their own betterment and if you are a rung on their ladder then they will have no qualms slamming you down in their efforts to climb up.

Don't allow them to beat you down. Instead believe that you and the person that you are will eventually take you to the top and the truth will be revealed.

One thing I always bear in mind is that I too may have intentionally or unintentionally hurt another. No one is perfect, least of all me. This thought alone helps me forgive.

When I look back to the experiences that have the shaped the person that I've become I am truly grateful for those who have loved me unconditionally and for those who have chosen not to.

I believe I am greatly blessed and therefore I know I am beloved to God. Today I have wonderful friends, a loving family, a great job, a fabulous home and the foresight to believe that each new day brings new joys. I am happy. My heart is free. And that's the way I would always want to be.