Yet another year gone, but so many stayed on!

This is normally my favourite time of the year, the tail end. Probably because it gives me the chance to reminisce over the days gone by and to hope for the best in the year to come.

I often tend to write when I'm deeply affected, happily or otherwise, and this time is no different.

I know more than anyone else that imperfection is my middle name, and therefore I would like to share my love and gratitude to the many who have stood by me despite my many shortcomings. I owe it to them. I have been told I am difficult, stubborn, temperamental and I know I am in fact much worse! Many have come and gone but the few that stayed probably saw me for who I truly am and I am in their debt for their patience and understanding.

My greatest blessings ever are my daughters. Everything that I am and all that I do, is for them. No sacrifice is too great, no hardship too difficult, if it is for them. I've made many a mistake as a mother yet they continue to love me. I have often allowed impatience to get the better of me, and still they love me. Thankfully they seem to know that my heart beats just for them. They know that I will do everything I can to keep them safe and happy, that nothing matters more. They have grown to be such beautiful people and all I can think is how blessed I am to call them mine. The rewards of motherhood have been tremendous. Simply said, their love and their devoted faith is what keeps me going. 

The one who stepped in as a brother right from the time I was in pigtails, and stayed right there when many abandoned me, on whose back my children happily piggybacked, who wiped many a tear and shared many a laugh, who I know I just need to whistle for and he would be beside me no matter what. For him I am eternally grateful. 

For the brother who is more of a brother to me than my own. Who knows me exactly for what and who I am and still kindly and patiently cares. Who adores my children and who my children love with infinite fondness. For him too I am truly thankful. 

For my father. The one man who truly loved me unconditionally.

For my mother, who despite all our odds has been unconditionally committed in her loyalty to me, to whom I eventually find myself turning to every time I'm in need, for her I am grateful. 

For the only sister I know and have loved as my own. Despite hurdles and hurts, we found our way back to each other and to a blessed sisterhood that has faced enough tests and trials to prove its worth. 

For the few in the family who have been steadfast in their faithfulness, for them too I am humbled.

For friends. No words can spell the gratitude in my heart for the glorious gift of friendships I have been blessed with. During good times, bad times and trying times, they are the ones I know I can always count on. Especially the gentle one who continues to love me though much of who I am and what I do has been beyond her faith. 

I am especially thankful to those who came back. 

I had hurt them because I had been hurt, yet grace found a way of bringing them back to me and leading me back to them, these, I believe will be relationships that are forever, and I will be forever thankful for that. I am grateful for their kindheartedness and for allowing friendship overcome everything else. They taught me the true value of companionship and loyalty. They taught me that despite all my blemishes and flaws I am still loved, that I am still worthy of love. And that has been a lesson that I will cherish always. 

Today, these are the ones standing by me and I know I will always be just as committed to them too.

I am also grateful though immensely saddened, for those who moved away.

I am consciously aware of who and what I am. I am at that stage in life where I choose to live on my own terms. No longer do I abide by the so-called norms of a fickle society. No longer do I choose to heed those who were never there for me in the first place. I am answerable to my god, myself and no one else. I have striven long and hard to get to where I am today. It was not an easy journey, and often I had run the race all on my own. Therefore how I live and who I love is my business and no one else's, what is right by me may not be so for another but then what is right by them need not be so for me either. I do not judge and hence I do not appreciate being judged especially by those I deem unworthy. For those who chose to leave rather than understand me or accept me for who I am, for them too I am thankful because through them I realised the strength in me. 

I have no vengeance in my heart. Nor is there anger or pride or fear. But there is a primitive instinct to passionately protect. And I am not apologising for that. 

All that matters to me are those I love and who love me. I will continue to devote the best of me and all I have for those who are dear to me, to give them joy, peace and well-being. I will continue to work hard at fulfilling my responsibilities to the best of my abilities. I could have taken easier routes and destroyed homes and hearts. Instead I have chosen to build and maintain precarious balance. Ensuring those I love and who love me and those who love the ones I love are happy while I too am happy.

It may not make sense to some but it makes absolute sense to me and it is my life after all.

I look forward to the new year with faith and hope.

Faith that I would grow better as a person and do my best in all my roles - at home, at work and with all the world. That I would continue to give all I have to being a better mother, daughter, friend, sister, and everything else, and hope that God will be with me as He has been by me all these years - loving me with a breathtaking abundance that has never ceased to amaze me.

Here's wishing all my beloved ones a glorious year ahead.