Ennu ninde Moideen

A small village. A muslim boy. A Hindu girl. Both from prestigious families and of course the usual happens. They fall in love.

Families are naturally outraged and defiantly object. And with equal defiance the pair choose to remain committed to each other.. Sounds stereotyped already right? Well now picture that scenario in the mid-fifties, where caste and religion played the one major role in everyday living.

Turn to look at the boy and see a confident, active communist, sportsman, actor and an over all hero. Look further and you'll see the girl, a smart intelligent medical student who stood her ground against racialism in her class at a time when higher professional education for girls was a rare luxury. Be with her as the love of a man she admires for his ideals is revealed to her, through innocuous brilliant efforts. And thus allow yourself to drown in their story. The story of Moideen and Kanchana.

A tale that weaves through over two decades of heartache and so much love.

A tale where two youngsters choose patience over passion, and decide to wait till the incessant storms pass over.

A tale that narrates the faith the couple had in each other and their relentless need for each other despite fears and threats of social discord.

A tale that tells of a man who respected the wishes of the woman he loved and waited for years, only because that was what she desired.

Witness the depths of love of a woman who allowed her family to imprison her in the confines of her home for years on end.

Perceive the lives of a desperate couple that tried and tried again to attempt at a life together and never gave up despite each thwarted effort.

Too mushy? Too filmy maybe?

Well, what if this really happened?

What if, way back in the fifties there were indeed two young people whose only fault was that they fell in love at a time and an age when it was unheard and almost criminal to wed across castes and definitely impossible to even imagine from another faith.

Isn't it then a story worth telling? And this story has indeed been sensitively told ensuring that the young lovers steal a bit of your heart along the way.

What perhaps is amazing about this tale is how they never chose to give up. Despite all odds.

Their only reiteration to their love were the letters that were smuggled to and fro with the help of the few that supported them.

Brilliant was the language they created to prevent the letters being read if caught.

But again, mostly touching was the fact that they stayed faithfully and deeply in love and apart for over twenty years.

Only to not be united at all.

Believe me, if you have a touch of romance in your heart this story will not fail to move you.


R S Vimal's attempt to bring immortality to this beautiful love story is definitely a great work of art.


Natural and captivating are the performances of Prithviraj in the role of Moideen and Parvathi as the pretty Kanchana.

Rain, as in most Indian romances these days, plays a vital role here as well.

Beautifully balancing the pain is the humor that is seamlessly added to the movie.

The songs and the background score have done absolute justice to the movie, dedicated to one of the greatest love stories that Kerala can claim as her own.

Every character has done justice to their roles but eventually our attention and our hearts remain with Moideen and Kanchana.

Especially when you know that the real-life Kanchana still lives in Moideen's home as his unwed widow and he still lives in her heart as her eternal lover.

Definitely worth watching. And knowing that all of it, every bit of it, actually took place all those years ago, does indeed light a small spark of hope within oneself. That there still may be hope for us after all. That we too may find that one true love who not just loves but respects and accepts you for who you are, and who promises to be yours until the end of time, come what may.

As Moideen says of his beloved, 'She does indeed have a beautiful face, but she has a far more beautiful heart.'

And she in turn says of him, 'I love him a thousand and hundred thousand times more than you can possibly imagine and I know he loves me a million fold more than that.'

It's so easy to utter such words, but this couple proved to the world that their promise to each other to be the other's was the greatest thing in the world for them and that they would do, and actually did do everything to live by that.

The script captures the essence of their love, while depicting the social instability and inequality of those long ago days. This movie is a definite must see and the director, R S Vimal deserves a round of applause. So too do the lead pair.

What better way could such a story of love be made immortal than dedicating it to all generations as a movie?

Ennu Ninde Moideen

For better or for worse. Really?

There's one thing I'd really like to know, how do you make it work?

Amidst the regular exchange of gossip, gibberish and heartache during a recent stress busting chat with a girlfriend I suddenly joked that I'd wished I were gay, if only so I would have a partner who understood me. Maybe I reasoned, if we were of the same sex then we'd understand each other better? Honestly, I so envy the couples that actually make it work, gay or not, and I wonder, how do they do it?

Trust me it's tough being stuck with people who absolutely refuse to even attempt to understand you, yet who selfishly expect you to live selflessly by their terms. But looking around me I realise that there are actually so many people living just like that. On the terms of another. Putting their own emotions, needs, wishes and everything else on hold. Giving in to the aggressive demands of the stronger partner, perhaps because they are too dependent, or maybe because confrontation scares them or maybe because there's still too much of love within them to do what's sensible - value themselves and move on, with their heads held high.

Yet there are indeed a few that are brave enough to take the call. To decide that they've had enough. And they choose to face the storm and move on, come what may. I applaud them. For they opt not just to listen to their own hearts but to walk alone, against the norms and stipulations of society, family, friends and everyone else.

Such individuals, a few that I am lucky to call friends, have gone ahead and decided that they've had enough. That heartache and suppression and pain and disappointment and most of all the disrespect is just beyond what they deserve.

Why are there so many failed relationships?

What is it that comes between two loving hearts?

Why is it that a relationship that starts off so beautifully eventually ends up in such a painful disaster?

I've often had the opportunity of being with both hurt parties and each has his or her points to stress upon. And in most times I've seen that nothing is sudden. Most break-ups are the result of long suffering situations where eventually the sufferer decides she or he has had enough. And the other is left wondering what went wrong yet still refusing to accept any responsibility.

In most cases, I've come to understand that ego is the culprit.

Ego pulls the blinds down and prevents you from seeing the pain you're causing the one you claim you love.

Ego prevents you from apologizing, even when you know you've done wrong.

Ego demands you be understood even when you fail to understand.

Ego forces you to point your finger at the other and refuses to notice that the rest of your fingers are pointing right back at you.

Ego tells you you're perfect and that you can do no wrong and thus ensures you screw up the most precious relationship you have.

Ego demands that you hurt the one person you love the most and eventually you're left all alone, just you and your ego.


Another sad factor is that most partners take it upon themselves to decide what is best for the other.

They refuse to accept that their partner probably wants something else completely.

A friend of mine sat me down and told me blatantly that he had always bought his wife the best of jewelry and clothes, that he ensured he cleaned the house (and her wardrobe!), and in his mind this raised him to the status of a perfect husband. He failed to see that she wanted something else totally. Her needs from her man went far beyond a clean kitchen. It did not even occur to him to even try and understand what her needs were. Yet his biggest complaint was that she failed to understand his needs.

Could that be what is going wrong? Are we taking it upon ourselves to decide what is best for the other rather than trying to understand the partner's needs and work on trying to fulfil them?

But then there is another couple that I know well and know for a fact that she goes out of her way to give in to him totally. Allowing him to dictate the terms of their relationship. Faithfully placing the responsibility of her happiness in his hands, under the absolute belief that he would never let her down.

He takes it all but fails to deliver.

His excuse is she's too demanding.

Could that be what is wrong then? Do we demand too much? Much more than we deserve? But then who draws the line on what is deserving?

And then again there's another pair that I know where she has sole responsibility of caring for the children, the home, the finances, all of it. He comes and goes as he pleases. His excuse? Fate. To me it's just plain selfishness.

Maybe that's it then. We're all selfish. We're all thinking of just ourselves. Our own pleasures. Our own needs. And when the needs of one clashes with the needs of the other all hell breaks loose.

How do you strike the right balance?

Why is it so difficult to understand that a relationship can never be one-sided. It's a partnership.

If you want to take then you need to know how to give. And not just give what you want to give but give what the other wants to take.

No one is forced to be committed to another. If someone sticks by you through thick and thin then it is because she chooses to. There is nothing weak in that. If she chooses to move on then there's nothing weak in that either.

Another sad player in the ruin of a relationship is - money.

If she's a working woman then he often allows insecurity and ego to seep in, if she is totally dependent on him then he allows arrogance and authority to rule. And if she chooses to question him then all hell breaks loose. And if she's the sole earning partner then he often ends up seeming weak and dependent and that wreaks havoc on his ego especially if she makes it a point to appear superior.

At times, money problems just add to the existing mess, making it even worse to work things out.

And maybe another major fact that needs to be considered is that often, in relationships, each partner is totally dependent on the other for their own happiness. They fail to comprehend that their happiness eventually lies solely in their own hands. Not in the hands of their parents, siblings, friends, children or even their partner. Everyone can contribute to the happiness of another but cannot and should never take total responsibility. I should be able to decide that come what may I will be happy and no one should have the power to take that away from me. I should believe that I have the right to make myself happy and I don't really need anyone else taking that effort for me.
Once we actually understand that then I believe that a lot of problems and issues would die away.

I have always believed that respect is what holds two people together more than anything else, even love. If you respect another, then you will be able respect her wishes, her needs and most of all her feelings. You would never be able to purposefully hurt her, and in case you do then you should be committed to recompensing the pain.

Schools prejudiced against autism

I thought long and hard and for days before finally deciding to go ahead with this post. The one thing that convinced me to write this was the fact that if I didn’t then who would?  Moreover a small piece I had published on my website on a similar thread of the same subject brought me a lot of favorable and I should say, sympathetic feedback, which has given me the courage to open up some more.

So here goes.

Now for what I have to say to make any sense I will need to start at the beginning so please bear with me.

My younger daughter, now ten years old, was diagnosed with baseline autism at the tender age of 18 months.

I confess it didn’t come as much of a shock, I had had a stressed pregnancy and was still in a lot turmoil when we were hit with the news, so we just took it in our stride as yet another blow we had to face.

From the age of two, my sweet little baby had to attend daily speech and communicative therapy sessions, and she would go for her classes, equipped with her feeding bottles and diapers. The therapy centre was a 40 minute drive from home, but the therapists were dedicated and enthusiastic and every effort was worth it.

 For three years, Acsah attended intensive therapy and slowly but surely started to respond. She began to answer to her name, recognise images and people, learnt and remembered words and even began to formulate 2 to 3 worded sentences.

We learnt along with her. Understanding that she was never to be left alone in her own space, that she had to be forced to maintain eye contact, and that she had to be dealt with oodles of patience and oodles and oodles of love.

And much that we learnt, we learnt from her.

Until then, patience had never been one of my virtues but my little girl taught me that she had a will of her own and I had to be patient and kind if I wanted her to abide by mine.

By the time she was five, she was responding beautifully to therapy and we were told that she was now ready to try regular schooling.

Needless to say we were very apprehensive. But during those very days there was an article in the papers on a school called Rina's Shiksha Niketan http://www.rinashikshanikethan.com that was apparently different in its outlook and methods of education. They claimed to teach children differently and they accepted all children. We went to the school and presented our case and the patience and kindness with which we were received built our hope. Thus Acsah was enrolled there. Little did we know how badly things would crash in just a few years.

Acsah did extremely well in the first two years at the school, and every school report was filled with glowing reports of her developments and abilities.

But by the third year at the school things slowly began to change.

Every meeting, and these were monthly review meetings, were filled with complaints about my child. 

Acsah shouts in class.

She refuses to sit in her place during classes.

She sings in class.

She distracts the other students with all the noise she makes.

The complaints were never ending. And the school authorities made each problem seem so traumatic and criminal that I was always left at a loss at what to do.

We are talking of a 7 year old child in kindergarten, a child with baseline autism, a condition where restlessness, bursts of noises, and singsong chants are just a few of its basic symptoms. On patient and polite yet intensive questioning we finally came to understand that these were not daily regular occurrences but one off incidents. And honestly I was so glad that she was not aggressive nor violent but was in fact a passive and peaceful child. However her minor imperfections were major issues. How was I to tell my child that she was not to make noises or disrupt the class? And I was left wondering, shouldn't the teachers have a basic awareness about her condition and a knowledge on how they need to handle her at such times?

Any attempts of trying to tell the teachers that they should gently try to control her in class as and when she caused an issue were roughly brushed aside. We tried to explain that Acsah recognised and obeyed authority so all they needed to be was a bit firm. Kind but firm. All our pleas were of no avail. Instead we were clearly told by Rina, the Principal, that we should see a doctor and think about putting my child on medication to soothe her down.

Thankfully, I was determined that my child did not need to be medicated, because frankly, there is no medical cure for autism. In our desperation we opted for homeopathy instead. And it did help, a bit.

At the end of the third year, her notebooks remained new and mostly untouched with just a few pages, here and there, filled with illegible scribbles and that was the extent of a full year of her education at this school and yet, despite all the hostility that the teachers expressed, my little girl loved her school. She would wake up at 6am without any trouble and happily leave for school dressed proudly in her uniform, delighted to be with her friends, children she had no idea how to communicate with yet loved to be around with.

Knowing her need to be with the other children, we risked yet another year at the school. But by the end of this year we knew we didn't have a choice, we had to pull her out. The child was neglected, she was literally abandoned and was treated with so much hostility by the teachers it made my heart break. I knew how much she would miss the school, but I just wasn't given a choice.

Following our decision to leave the school we came to learn from several other parents of differently abled children studying in the same school, that they too faced similar hostile situations and they too were pulling their children out.

After much deliberation on what step to take next and not wanting to end up with a similar problem again, we finally decided to approach the well known +Choice School Cochin http://www.choiceschool.com having heard that they were sympathetic to children with disabilities and even had a dedicated department for students with studying disorders and autistic conditions.

The first round of meetings with the teachers and the Principal went really well. Until they met Acsah. And then they pulled their brakes. They admitted they had no issues with the child. They agreed that her problems were minimal and could easily be dealt with. They however, and after repeated follow-ups, eventually let out that they could not take her because she was too tall.

Yes I know, I was stumped too.

True Acsah was almost 5'5"ft in height at the age of 9. Both my daughters have been blessed with good height.

But how could her height be her fault?

They claimed that her height would make other children wary of her and she would end being avoided and alone. And this, they insisted, would disrupt her development. As teachers, don't they know that children are blissfully ignorant of such stupid social discriminations? In fact, all through her life, children, both big and small, have treated Acsah with far more compassion and care than any adult. But what were we to say?

The decision had clearly been made and there was nothing we could do. We couldn't force them to take her in. I could have opted to use major influence, political or likewise, and demand she be admitted to the school, but I was scared that that would just incur the wrath of the teachers and the Management and I did not want my baby to suffer negligence yet again. It was obvious that they didn't want her.

Thus we ended up at square one. Again.

It was as though fate was against her, or as I chose to believe, God had a different and better plan for her.

Thankfully it was at that time that we heard of a new school, +Spring Fielding, started specifically to help children with learning disabilities.

Acsah has been with them for over a year now and has group classes, individual one on one classes, occupational therapy and a whole lot of attention. She now spells words, writes and reads, adds numbers and knows subtraction as well.

Yes, the improvement within just a year is immense, proving that with just the right help children like Acsah can go a long way.

But the fact remains, she misses her old school. She misses the bustle and fun of being and growing with other children. She misses the normalcy she badly deserves to lead a simple ordinary life. A life that every other child takes for granted. Not a day goes by when she asks if she could go back to the old school. Unable to explain why she can't, we just say that she's too old for that school. She counters that with a request to be small again. And I'm at a loss on how to respond to that.

Her greatest treasure is a class picture of her in kindergarten. There are about 25 children in the picture and around 8 teachers, including the school principal. And she would point at each face and call out each name. Even today, a year and half after she left the place.

And every time I see her openly longing to go back, my heart aches with helplessness.

Therefore, as a parent I am forced to declare that when such small-town schools claim to be kind and open and understanding to children with problems they're just blatantly lying. And in today's day and age, when such unfortunate disabilities are getting more common than ever before, it's just sad that schools don't care. It's so easy to educate children that are just normal, what counts is when the special children are treated as just that, special, with every bit of care and understanding. When schools such as these, that claim to do all they can for children like my Acsah, still shut their doors on their innocent faces when it comes down to harsh reality, one can only wonder in desperation, would there ever be such a day when they actually mean what they say?

Thus my experience has taught me, that ordinary teachers in such so-called extraordinary schools are unfortunately terribly ignorant about children with special needs. We don't demand that they cater to every child that lands on their doorstep, but if the child has even a percentage of a chance to improve, then doesn't that child deserve the opportunity to at least try? Doesn't that child have a right to a normal childhood in a normal school? Don't the teachers and the schools have a duty to oblige? Shouldn't they be trained to understand and handle such requirements? And not merely wash their hands off with the silliest of reasons? I know that mine is just a knock on a wall that may never be torn down but at least I tried. I owe my daughter that much.

My personal commandments

Many of us go through life at a random pace, reacting and behaving instinctively to situations. At least that was how I had been until fairly recently. I would allow myself to bend and adjust to each situation or react wildly and madly and often I would allow life and fate and others get the better of me.

I would suffer blows, pull myself up only to suffer more blows, life was often just survived and not really lived. In fact, I strongly believed that my happiness was in the hands of another until I allowed life to be my teacher and ever since, I have learnt some great lessons. I am now slowly tutoring myself to implement these lessons as principles for a better living, and honestly, I find myself more at peace these days than I did in a long time.

1. My happiness is my responsibility. 

How wonderful it would have been if someone would just take over the responsibility of doing everything possible to make you happy. It's a great dream but that's all it is, a dream. No one knows better of what makes you happy other than yourself. And no one would bother beyond a limit to ensure you're always smiling. Why? Well, that's because their happiness matters more to them than yours. So, buck up and take charge of your life. Realise that it's your own choice whether you would allow yourself to be happy or not. Whether you would allow yourself to be affected or influenced by the actions or decisions of another, by the twists and turns of fate, or even by your own moods.

2. My peace of mind is my responsibility

Believe me, no one, no matter how much they claim to love or care, no one really bothers about your peace of mind. If you are not at peace, you're the only one troubled, no one else is affected. So think long and hard before you blow out your mind's tranquility. Wouldn't it be far better to just take a deep breath, think better thoughts and move on?

3. Always ensure self respect.

Never stoop too low, never bend way over, never give in so much that you lose your own identity. It won't hurt to give in or bend over for someone who matters, especially if it makes them happy but don't lose yourself in the process. At the end of the day, if you have no respect for yourself then how can you expect the respect of others?

4. Do not be selfish. Except at times.  

What goes around, comes around. Good or bad. It's great to do all you can for another, but not at any cost. Some times some things are just not worth the effort. So don't be naive, and choose wisely.

5. Give away as much love, kindness, goodness and time as possible.

It won't hurt to be kind, it definitely won't matter if you spend time with those who love and need you. You lose nothing, in fact you gain so much the more you give, but only if you give without expecting or wanting anything back in return.
There's nothing wrong in doing what you can for another, but remember, never should it be at the cost of your own happiness. Do not be a doormat.

6. There is no such thing as 'soulmates'. I belong to no one and no one is mine. There are just great companions and that too is not a necessity.

It took a while to get rid of the romantic notion that there's a soulmate out there for each and everyone. In fact it was rather a relief to realise that there's really no such thing. Some are luckier than most and get to share their lives with someone who is compatible and on the same plane. The rest just have to make do with what they get, but if our happiness and peace of mind depends on each of us then why do we need to depend on another at all? If we are with another, it should be a matter of choice, nothing else.



7. My children are my greatest priority. No sacrifice is too great if it is for them.



This is probably the mantra of every parent.







8. Accept that I am not perfect, but allow myself to be as I am. Be myself always. 

Be the person that you are. Never go out of your way to alter yourself or change yourself only to suit the requirements of another, they would never understand or appreciate the effort. If you change then change for the better and only because that's what you want. Do what you believe is right and good for you be it in the way you dress, speak, behave and think. Do not allow anyone else define the person that you are. If you live on the terms of another, it should be because you choose to do so. Do not let anyone else be supreme over you. That is God's sole right.
Do not look in the mirror and find faults, look at yourself and admire what is beautiful.
Do not be afraid to reveal your weaknesses. Do not be proud about your strengths.

9. It's normal to feel angry, depressed, anxious, self righteous and many another negative emotion.

You can and probably should vent out once in a while just don't dwell on such negativity for too long. Life is too short and too beautiful to waste on such ugliness. And no one is worth ruining even a moment of your life for.

10. I'm just an ordinary person. I can't like everyone and I cannot expect everyone to like me. 

Try your best to be with those who love you and whom you love. Be patient with the rest. But treat one and all with respect. Apologise if you go wrong or make a mistake. Express gratitude for everything anyone does for you.

11. Be dependent only on God and believe that you have the strength to live your life the way you choose.

At the end of the day, your life is yours alone. How you live it is your choice. Enjoy your own company and realise that being alone does not mean being lonely. In fact, you can be your best friend.

12. Always be grateful to God for the glory that is life. 

God loves you. Believe that there is always a rainbow beyond the cloud. That there's always a positive side to everything negative. That everything, every single thing in life happens for your own good, because God is the way and He is the only one, who knows better than you, what is best for you.

Ok Kanmani! Double OK!!!

There was a time, a very long time ago, when I used to wallow happily in cheesy paperbacks and cry shamelessly through every romantic flick I could get my hands on.  I had marched happily into my teens with the firm belief that one day not too far away, romance would be mine too. But of course the realities of life quickly overtook the passions of the heart and over the years cynicism settled in.

Nowadays I find most attempts to romance as tacky and until recently I actually believed I was beyond such childishness, that I'd outgrown romance or rather, am too far gone to enjoy or even understand it anymore. All this changed when a recent movie taught me otherwise and thus I can now proudly confess that I'm a diehard romantic and I have the great director Mani Ratnam to thank, for reminding me of what I truly am!

Sure I enjoy a good mystery, I love a great comedy but I've realised that it's always the romance that takes my breath away.

Loved across the country for decades and known for his explosive hits- Roja, Bombay and many more, Mani Ratnam recently released yet another absolutely adorable movie and thus victoriously proved that he hasn't lost his magic romantic touch, not by a long yard!

There may not be much of a tale to tell in +OK Kanmani, starring +Dulquer Salmaan and +Nithya Menen but the director has taken a simple almost mundane yarn and spun out a colourful fun-filled modern scenario that could happen to anybody and is happening to many, in today's world. There's nothing extraordinary about the movie and that, surprisingly, is the beauty of it.

Happenings in today's everyday life that are becoming more commonplace than we would probably like, is depicted with a sensitivity that allows us to actually accept 'living in' relationships and premarital sex as a way of life rather than an outrage to our morals.

The movie swirls around a young couple, their chance meeting, his wooing, her flirting, their courting, their love, their choices, their decisions and yet again their love. Amidst it all is an adorable elderly couple dragged in unintentionally to support the love affair. And thus you have two different yet beautiful visions of love, young and passionate, aged and gracious, yet always infinitely deep.

A R Rahman scores yet again as the music adds just the right touch. The songs are lilting and colourfully depicted. The humour is light, genuine and infectious. Mumbai looks gorgeous, especially in the rains which must have been a tough task to achieve! And of course for the rains, any Mani Ratnam fan would know his incessant obsession with the rains and this movie has it in galore and yet not too much.

+Dulquer Salmaan essays his role effortlessly yet brilliantly while +Nithya Menen seems to easily have her viewers fall just a little bit in love with her. The pair are turning out to successfully weave magic together on screen again and yet again, proving wrong those who believed that they could be monotonous after being paired together many a time. The charm and the novelty of their partnership is unique and touching to say the least.

If you're a romantic but practical and level headed. If you live in the present times and understand and accept the take of today's generation then this movie is a must see.

I didn't think I had it in me to try a hand at reviewing movies but this movie was such fun I just had to give it a go! Do let me know if this review helped in any way!

Till death do us part.. or not?

Just about everyone in Kerala would have heard all that's there to hear about the rather public legal separation of a popular actor and his wife, once an equally popular actress. There had been gossip galore as to why they had decided to take such a drastic step and every other Keralite lapped it all up happily. The pair were analysed, their relationship scrutinised and studied but it was the new ex-wife who faced the actual brunt of all the criticism.

Personally I applauded Manju Warrier, the new divorcee, for the stand she took on the whole matter. Not once did she appear in the media in an attempt to attain public sympathy. She made no comments and steadfastly stuck to keeping her private life just that, private.

She then went on to be the face of a renowned jewellery brand and soon relaunched her acting career as well, and I bowed before her brave attempt to repair and renew her life.

Perhaps that's why it came as quite a shock when a few very close friends of mine announced a different sentiment towards the actress.

One particular friend went to the extent of saying that she did not approve of the whole affair at all. Once one was married then the commitment is for life, was her take. Especially if there are children involved. This friend believed that the actress had no right getting divorced and definitely had no business trying to build a career after it all. She was a wife and a mother and she should have stayed as such no matter what the circumstances. Honestly, I couldn't believe my ears.

I mean it's all fine for the wife to be submissive, at least to a limit. But how far is she expected to bend? But that's beside the point.

The actual point is, who are we, the common public, to judge whether a woman and a man should remain married? We don't know their lives. We have absolutely no idea why they chose to take such a step then what right do we have to judge them?

And why judge her in particular? What if she had no choice in the matter?

Because if what the grapevine says is true then it was the take of the actor in question that actually lead to the whole sad situation. But funnily no one seems to want to place any blame on him. All you need to do is just check out their Facebook pages. Dilip has adoring comments from adoring fans while Manju's on the receiving end of quite a bit of sarcasm.

So men may do as they wish and women should just suffer in silence? Shouldn't she have a right to a dignified life where she should be allowed to know and do what is best for her?

Another point that my friend brought up was the fact that the only child of the pair had chosen to be with the father. This fact, she concluded, only proved that there was something very wrong with the mother!

Again I say, we have no idea what their lives are all about.

To me, I believe that Manju is a lady who stood up for herself in spite of it all.

She did not allow herself to be broken with the unfortunate turn her life took.

She fell, but she picked herself right back up, brushed herself down and is now striding forward with all her strength.

She is a woman who has proved with her life that the past should be left alone, the present is to be lived and the future is to be looked forward to.

It's a shame that women condemn her.

This is a woman who should be admired by her own sex for the strength of character she has displayed.

This is a woman who should be seen as a leader for other women facing similar situations. She has definitely set the right example. She has proved that a woman may face a lot of trials but she can't and won't be beaten.

We all have just one life. It is our responsibility to make the most of it.

I'm sure she has a lot of friends and family standing up with and for her but I'm also sure she would be aware of public sentiment, yet despite all that she's still moving ahead and all I have to say, all that we should all say is bravo!

I think it is unjust to demand that a couple, once married should remain married all their lives. Especially in a country where arranged marriages are so popular. Two people who may not be compatible in any way are some times tied together with the bond of marriage. Rather than spending the rest of their lives in misery, wouldn't it only be fair to them that they move their separate ways and make better lives for themselves?

So many marriages are loveless.

So many people are sadly stuck together only because there are children in the equation.

Thankfully mine is probably the last generation that would give in to such unfair demands. Please don't get me wrong. I am not advocating divorce. Far from it.

Divorce rates are on the high now and frankly, that isn't healthy. We find a lot of couples breaking up within just months of togetherness. Could they have really tried hard enough?

So where does one draw the line?

What's the limit at which one can decide that it's time to move on?

Unfortunately there are no guidelines.

Marriage is indeed a sacred constitution.

But it demands a lot of effort, understanding, patience and yes, love, but most of all respect, for it to really work.

One partner would be aggressive and the other submissive, that's how the equation normally works. If both are on the same side of the fence then woe to them!

Each has to contribute and each has to be committed, just as in any other relationship, but only more.

And despite it all, if pain, anger, disgust and hatred flood in and settle down then it may be beyond repair.

In such cases, it just doesn't make sense in prolonging a farce. Move on.

But if there's even the slightest glimmer of hope then grab it and hold it tight and don't ever let it go, because you're one of the rare lucky ones!

And for those who have to move apart and ahead on their own, the pain would be inevitable. But it isn't the end of the road. It is a turn around a bend and unto a new and better path. This is the truth that I choose to believe.

This is the me I'll always be

Ok so here's the thing, I have often been called 'loud' but don't get me wrong. I mean loud in the very literal sense of the term. I can't deny it either. You see, I have a rather loud voice and unfortunately I have absolutely no control over my volume levels. The happier I am the louder I get. And don't let me get started on how high my volumes are upped when I'm excited! I can't help it though, and mostly because I hardly notice it.

All through my life, I have been told to lower my voice. Right from when I can remember and almost always by the men in my life.

'We could hear you from down the street!'

'We could hear your laugh from next door!'

'Shush! Control yourself!'

'Speak softer!'

'You're scaring the neighbours!'

The comments would keep coming and this was the gist of most of them. My dad, bless him, didn't mind much at all, but my brother had always taken it upon himself to police me and the baton was passed over to the husband once I got married, and he was more than thrilled to take over the role.

I have done my bit too of course, often trying to keep a check on myself but before long I'm back to square one. Needless to add, I've had a lion's share of innumerable shameful moments in public when I'm rudely pulled up in front of an audience for being too loud. Even recently I had an unnecessary dressing down and precisely at that very moment I decided, enough is enough.

I'm not a teenager anymore in fact I have a teenager of my own and another in line to enter her double digits. It's about time everyone accepted that this is the way I am and this is the way I always will be. If I were to be any different, believe me I would have changed a long time ago.

But honestly, I like my voice, volume included. This voice once built me a successful career because there had been a time when I had compered professionally and was actually quite good at it, though I say so myself.

But coming back to the topic at hand, I've had it with men thinking they can judge a woman by the tone of her voice or the levels of her volume. I'm tired of being told what to do, how to think and even how to speak. I've never heard a man being told to tone down his tone so then, why can't a woman decide how she can and should behave?

Apart from being loud volume wise, I also happen to be loud opinion wise and thankfully, though many have tried, I've been pretty adamant that I won't get bullied into coyly toning down my views for the sake of someone else.

I have been titled under various adjectives - different, complex, complicated and lots more. Honestly, I don't really care.

I have reached that stage in life where I choose to live on my terms and what's so wrong with that?

I've gone through enough in life to know that at the end of the day, we are on our own. There may be sympathisers and friends who would stand with you but the bulk of community that judges and condemns will not lend a helping hand when you need it, so then, why not condone their demands?

I do however understand the restraints of society, and though I may sound rebellious, I have thankfully always had a clear view on the expectations levelled upon me and I have always tried to balance the demands of social living and family with my own personal stand. It isn't easy. In fact, it's quite a juggle most of the time and involves almost everything. Right from whom I love, whom I choose to avoid, to what I eat and even what I wear!

For instance, I live in a rather small town, where girls in t-shirts are ogled upon. So when in town I prefer staid Indian wear and only switch to comfortable and personally preferred clothes once I cross the border. Many may say it is my personal choice and I shouldn't pay attention to such silliness, I agree, however I still prefer not to have my butt stared at by the local boys.

As for what I eat, the country's reaching a stage where not society but the government has taken actions of deciding that for its public. Ridiculous. But who else are we to blame but ourselves for voting so-called leaders to positions where they start making even personal choices for each of us.

And then there's love. That is my personal choice and is nobody's business but my own.

I do not allow my choices to get in the way of my responsibilities. I am a parent. I owe it to my children that I take care of them and give them all that I can to ensure they have a secure and sound future. That is my responsibility, not a choice but definitely a pleasure.

And as a parent I would like my children to grow up in full understanding of themselves, with the confidence that they know their hearts and the courage that they can be themselves without compromise. I learnt it the tough way, there's no need for them to go down the same road.

So this is what I have to say to my children and every other child out there.

Be the person that you want to be.

It doesn't matter if you have a loud shout or a shrill squeak. What matters is you know the difference between right and wrong. And choose to be on the side of all that is good.

It doesn't matter if you're comfortable in tank tops or cotton kurtis. What matters is you know that you don't need to be indecent to be attractive.

It doesn't matter if you don't follow the norms that a cynical public demands from you, what matter is you spend your time and your life doing and being what you truly enjoy.

Love those that your heart chooses to love. Choose a purpose in life that your mind appreciates and approves of.

Make every moment make sense to you.

Read when you feel like it, sing when you want to or break into a jig!

Your happiness is your responsibility.

At the end of the day it is your life. So just be the person you always want to be.

It's all about choices

Recently Bollywood heartthrob Deepika Padukone announced her belief that her life and the various choices in her life were hers and hers alone, this was hugely applauded by a huge segment of the public, me included. But today I chanced upon a post on an unknown blog where the writer has chosen to rip Deepika apart for her statements. The writer chose to compare various instances and incidents of the actress's past in an attempt to prove how contradictory they were to what she claimed to believe in today. The writer chose to do this without realising that she too had the choice not to.

How often do we realise that we always have choices every time we decide to do or say or even think of something? Do we ever understand that we actually have the choice to do, think and say something completely different? And that each time we act or behave it is almost always in total and absolute reaction to the circumstances that we find ourselves in at that moment?

In this article, Deepika was accused of breaking off her relationship with Ranbir years ago, because he chose to have a fling outside their affair. Perhaps we should take a moment to realise that it was her choice to do so. The actress has claimed that it is her choice if she wishes to have sex with someone, anyone. And if Ranbir chose to do so too then we need to understand that she has the right to choose how she wishes to react to it.

As I said it is all about choices.

Recently the same actress went live and announced how she had faced and fought depression. Wasn't this a choice too? She could have easily chosen to hide the fact instead she chose otherwise, in an attempt to help those who are suffering from the illness too. It is our choice to applaud or criticise such choices.

There are some things in life that are chosen for us. Our parents, our height, complexion etc. But there are some things that totally depend on our choices. We can choose to be brave and strong and face life head on. We can choose not to be defeated but to keep brushing ourselves down and pulling ourselves up each time life deals out a blow. We can also choose to huddle away, stay meek and silent. Our attitude is our choice. Our choices determine the person that we are and the character that we own, and the beliefs that we follow.

The turns our lives take depend so much on our choices. Even a lot of our health depends on our choices. All the butter, meat and alcohol we choose to intake will show their true colors in the turn our health will take.

Who I want to sleep with is my choice. Who he wants to sleep with is his. And how I respond to his choice is thus my choice.

If I choose to expose my body, that's my choice. If someone else chooses to use my body then it's my choice to wreak havoc upon their heads. And that's all this lanky actress did when TOI chose to publish a picture of her cleavage. So what if she exposes her body in movies? She does so because she chooses to do so and she gets highly paid too. It is her choice because it is her body. And her viewers choose to enjoy it. It's as simple as that. If a gossip-loving mud slinging paper wishes to publish pictures of various parts of her body they should have asked her first. If not then she has the right to choose to slander them and she chose to act upon that right.

And yes she sat in the front row and laughed and giggled at slutty jokes, well, again, that's her choice.  And at that moment, in the situation that she was in, she may have chosen to be amused. In another set of circumstances she may have chosen to behave differently.

That's all that it is. It's all about choices.

Every choice is suited to that moment. When the moment passes, you may sometimes look back and wish you chose differently. There isn't much you can do about that. Just look forward, gauge your situations and make your choices. Just be wise and choose wisely.

For our daughters

I normally prefer to avoid writing about political and even social issues, choosing instead to dwell on personal topics that are close to my heart, however, I feel compelled to speak up on an issue that has been tormenting our entire country for a long while now and has intensified in the past few weeks.

Being the mother of two daughters, it scares me to think of what the world is coming into. Would there be a time in our towns when a girl would be unable to venture out of her home after dark or without a guardian? Would there come a day when she would prefer to stay hidden indoors than go out and make a life for herself?

Every and whichever way we turn we hear horrifying tales of rape and torture where women of every age, any size and whatever religion is degraded and stripped of her dignity and her virtue.

The whole country rose as one to spew out its rage against the inhuman sufferings of Nirbhaya at the hands of what can only be called mad deranged evil men.

But the young tribal girls that were raped, their destroyed bodies hung from tree branches, suffered no less.

The 70 year old nun who was brutally attacked suffered no less.

The 11 year old school child suffered no less either.

And these are only the sufferings of a few that were made public.

What about the countless number of women and girls who have suffered rape, molestation and much more, but who have been forced to keep silent to spare themselves and more so their families from public humiliation? What about the torment they are forced to endure for no fault of theirs, except perhaps because they were born as the weaker sex?

And isn't it primarily because of the fact that they are weaker that they are so savagely attacked?

The world has turned so rotten that not just women but small children are viciously attacked as well and this is where we need to sit up and take a moment to understand that the children that are raped are not just girls but boys as well. Doesn't that prove that it is only because as children they are helpless and weak and incapable of self defence that they are so violently assaulted?

So isn't that why children and women are under constant physical abuse? Because they are weak?

The whole world was shocked beyond words when a rapist, in jail, had the audacity or the utter stupidity to claim that the woman he raped was tortured solely because she tried to fight him off. The claims of his so-called 'educated' lawyer stunned the world even more with his outrageous comments.

How can we stay quiet anymore?

It is time everyone reacted. It is high time we pointed out to such idiots that the we are no longer in the dark ages.

But will mere protests on the streets and slogans make the difference we badly need?

We all know how long it would take for the Government to roll its heavy wheels into action. We all know the frustration of living with a legislation that was established decades ago when the problems of those days were not the problems we face today. So, instead of waiting, instead of suffering the frustration, shouldn't we, the common public begin to do something? I'm not suggesting we take law into our own hands, far from it! I'm suggesting we consider starting from scratch.

There's an ad that runs on every channel these days advocating that men should be taught from childhood not to hurt girls. It's doubtful how far it would trickle down into the heads of those who need to be taught such lessons but it's a great place to start.

A large percentage of India's population resides in its rural areas. And a huge percentage of such crimes are found to be committed there. Poverty, lack of education, lack social skills all combined with criminal intent leads to the creation of inhuman animals on the prowl of innocent helpless victims and these monsters need to be targeted first.

Education is perhaps the first and the best step. Along with learning to read, boys, right from a young and tender age, must be taught the rights and wrongs of social living. What can be done and what should not, under any circumstances, be even thought of. His attitude towards women needs to be cultivated and developed along a positive lane.

Every man of every age should have the realisation drummed into him that there are some things that are just not acceptable and will be thoroughly punished if committed.

We need to understand that the laws are made for one reason only, to protect our interests as citizens. We need to demand protection by law. And if that fails at one point or another then the law must be committed to ensuring immediate punishment to the culprits. Punishment that is so absolute that it prevents others from committing such crimes. Or at least ensures that he thinks twice. We as concerned citizens need to constantly raise our voices in every medium possible until someone at the top finally listens and decides to do something about it.

Some claim that alcohol and drugs induce them to act out of character. That is not an excuse.

There are several organisations that encourage women to speak up on the abuse they have suffered, to take action and to take the effort of recreating their lives again. We need many many more such organisations. We need people to reach out to the far corners of the country, to touch every woman who needs help.

We need to learn, as a society, that rape is not the fault of the woman and when she speaks up we need to smother her with love and compassion and not cast her out for a crime that was committed against her.

Children are humanity's badge of innocence. They have to be protected. They cannot defend themselves. Women may be the weaker sex but they need to know that they are strong in spirit and should be taught to defend themselves.

If this is the precarious situation that society now is in then perhaps it's high time that schools introduced self defence education in their curriculum so children and especially girls are taught how to defend themselves if ever faced with an adversary. It may not be much, but who knows, it may help in a situation or two, what's wrong in being careful and taking precautions? Girls need to be taught how to help themselves if faced with such dire circumstances.

Now who am I to advocate such remedies? I'm just a nobody and definitely not an expert, and I'm sure there are several others who know what's best to be done, but I'm one of the public and if my voice can add volume to this much needed protest, then I'm shouting from the rooftop, we should all shout from the bottom of our lungs!

It is sad that the international media believes that they have to educate us on the problems that we face and have faced for many many long years. They seem to ignore the fact that such issues are rampant in their part of the world too.This is not a problem that is faced only in India. It's an issue across the world. Man chooses to behave worse than animals. Is there a solution? There should be, there has to be. It may take a long time to solve the issue but if we stand together and if we speak in one voice then every animal will be and can be and has to be crushed.

The power of prayer!

Not a dollop or an ounce or even a gram, but just a teeny weeny bit, the size of a mustard seed, that's all the faith you need. That's all the faith that God needs. The knowledge that you have just that much faith in Him.

Because faith is your true prayer. 

It isn't as easy as it sounds though. In fact it can be the most difficult thing to do. To have faith that God is with you and will take care of you and all your needs when you're at the most difficult junctions of your life. 

Often in the long road of trials and tests that is the essence of life, we give up halfway. We give in, defeated and defenceless. We allow ourselves to be battered down because we end up convinced that we're all alone. 

Nothing can be more painful than facing life on your own. But the sad part is we're not alone at all, we just don't notice that great presence right beside us, hurting along with us, wanting so much for us to turn around and realise that He can help us through it all. 

Some of us discover God during our most trying moments. We find relief in prayer. We gain strength in our belief and somehow this strength grows within us, pushing us on, never allowing us to give up. And slowly, day by day, moment by moment, we find the shadows simmering away and life becomes brighter and brighter and our hearts become lighter and lighter. 

Some people believe that they have always had an inbuilt inner confidence and positivity that drives them to face whatever life throws at them, they choose to take all the credit for themselves. Only a few of them actually realise that they have been specially touched by God right from the start, to be a role model, to prove with their lives and deeds that nothing is impossible as long as you don't stop trying. No matter how hard the going gets, just don't stop trying. 

Because eventually we regain our confidence to such an extent that we believe that nothing could possibly be too much for us. We may think it's the experiences we've gone through that's helped us grow so much, and that may be, but there's always a voice in your head that urges you on, a hand that pulls you up every time you falter and fall. Some of us may think it's our own spirit or self confidence, but those who truly know, know that it's the love of God. He can be with you and for you in any form, as long as He can help you along. As long as you let Him. 

We learn that we can indeed battle the war of life and we can definitely be the victorious for we have the greatest power at our side. And this powerful faith is what helps us live a full and complete life. A positive life. 

But we aren't complete unless we turn to God during our happiest moments as well.

When we know that if it weren't for His presence we would never have made it that far.

He loves to be with us every moment of our lives. And to know He's right with you at all times is the greatest revelation of all. 

I love to turn to Him at every turn and every moment of my life. I enjoy sharing my thoughts and my feelings with Him knowing that He would take everything in the right context. I feel so much joy every time I thank Him for the beauty of the life He has gifted me. He is my greatest friend, He is my parent, my guardian and my all. How blessed am I to have a love like His!

I go to Him every time I need or want something, anything, right from the health and happiness of my children to getting myself a new pair of earrings! And I know, once I ask something of Him I can just relax for I know that my wish would already be granted. All I need to understand, and all that everyone needs to understand and accept is it would be at His time and we should just have the patience to wait. But believe me, the wait is always worth it for no matter how long the wait, if we have faith all through, then He would give tenfold of whatever it is that is asked of Him.

Who would do that for any of us? Who would love us so much that He would give anything and everything for our happiness, as long as we believe in His love, as long as we have faith.  

The Beauty of Prayer

I have always prayed from when I was a little girl. I've gone to Sunday school though not exactly by choice. I spent my teens attending daily mass, yet again not really by choice, but my fondest memories of prayer as a child, were the few minutes I'd spent every evening with my mother at my bedside. Leaning against her shoulder as she read a story for me from my children's Bible, followed with a recitation of the Our Father and then, best of all, a few moments to speak to God directly. Those moments, with folded hands and tightly shut eyes, would be full of fervent requests and petitions- please help me remember my tables, help me avoid games and so on and so forth. But even in those tender days, I knew in my heart, if I asked, I would receive, for nothing could possibly be beyond God, the creator of everything.

Today, years later, the moments of prayer I cherish the most are when my daughters and I snuggle on the bed every night and the elder one reads a passage from the Bible and the younger one recites the Father's prayer and prays for all our family. Every evening we thank the Lord with truthful hearts for the abundant blessings He has showered upon us and for His guidance into every moment ahead.

The greatest blessing I believe I have personally been granted was having been taught from a very young age that God is with us, a kind and loving God who watches over us every moment of our lives. Who knows our every thought, who sees our every deed, and no matter how bad we are or how sinful, He never stops loving us and all He wishes is we know Him and have faith in Him.

I had been trained to pray at the end of every day and to wake with a prayer of thankfulness every morning. As a child and later in my youth such prayers had been merely ritual but as life moved on from one phase to another, I realised that the one force that remained constantly by my side was my God. He listened to me when no one else did. He stood by me when everyone else brushed me away. He just wouldn't let me fall no matter how often trials and others tried to push me down. He taught me to have faith not just in Him but in myself, because He has absolute unquestioning faith in me.

I don't claim to spend long hours each day in prayer and meditation. I am incapable of such patient continuous focus. But I'm a talker and my regular conversation with God is my way of prayer. Every moment I get free I talk to Him. It could be while I'm cooking or driving. Or praying. I just talk. I tell Him of my day, not that He doesn't know but I still share. I reveal my fears and share my dreams. I tell Him of all my disappointments and hopes, and I thank Him for taking care of me and my family and everyone I love for I know His presence is our greatest shield, the only shield we need.

To me, the greatest beauty of prayer however is that I can also grumble and complain and bicker and squabble at Him and He would just grin and wait patiently till I settled down. He would never take offence. He would never hold a grudge. He would never reciprocate in kind with anger or rage.

At first I would feel horrible every time I took my rage out on my God, and it took me a while to understand that He doesn't mind at all because He knows what my heart truly is. And what a relief it is to let go of every frustration, to let out all that anger, to reveal my insecurities, or to just cry my heart out when depression and stress gets too much for my weak shoulders to bear. And if you can do all that with someone you can trust completely, someone you have total faith in, someone who wouldn't misunderstand you, or hate you or judge you then what more could you possibly want?

Through the Bible He speaks to me. He shows me He hears me when He takes care of my every need, He lets me know He's always there for me when He fills me with His goodness, never allowing me to dwell on the negative. He reveals His presence in my conscience and always lets me know what is right or wrong.

He is my true friend. He is my Father. My Owner. My Guide. And with Him by my side every moment of my life, I am never alone.

My God is my greatest strength. My conversation with Him is my most beautiful prayer.

The fault that is me

I won't deny, I'm not the easiest person to get along with. And those who know me know this well. I would like to believe that over the years I've mellowed down, tempered with the tests and trials of time and life, but once in a while someone would come along, and more often than not it would be someone near and extremely dear, and he would whip away the blinds from eyes and present to me the person that I actually am, and I am left to cower, and bow my head in shame.

I have a set of ideals that I choose to stubbornly adhere to come what may, and woe to him who chooses to see things differently.

Being a Scorpion I then tend to attack not just my attacker but myself in the process yet am numb to the pain I inflict on myself as my focus is only on hurting back the one who had the audacity to hurt me in the first place.

I often wonder why I am the way that I am. I often try to repair myself. Improve my being. And at times I think I manage to be bearable, but then again, a change in circumstances has me right at the start once more.

My temper is vile, my tongue ferocious, my passion uncontrollable.

Some are convinced that they can restrain me, tutor me and straighten me out. Poor souls! I am my own master. I abide by own rules. Therefore I am lonely and sad many a time.

I manage to keep myself within limits by keeping most of myself to myself, therefore I may have very many acquaintances but few friends. I prefer it that way, it helps me protect others from myself. Unfortunately I love with a passion as well, and some fall prey to that apparently sweet side of me and at times I can't help myself and I reciprocate. Only the strong hearted and strong willed have managed to survive with me and by me through the years, the rest have chosen to voluntarily fall off the wagon.

Am I so terribly bad? Maybe I am my own greatest critic.

Do I have anything worthwhile within me? I doubt it but again I am my own greatest critic, but then no one knows me better than myself.

What could possibly be so wrong with me?

Well possessiveness is a trait that won't get you far and I am extremely possessive of all that I love and more over all that love me. To have another receive more favour than me from one who has my favour is beyond my ability to bear. All logic and common sense flees me during such moments.

I have often been told that I have a stubborn chin, and it shows in my nature too. If convinced about  something then it takes quite a bit to convince me otherwise.

Anger comes to me with a roaring passion and then I once more defy logic and give in to the consuming exhaustive fire of wrath.

I get no pleasure in hurting another but I derive less pleasure in being hurt. I know just which buttons to push and which levers to twist to ensure I deliver as much or more pain than I am subjected to.

The ability to use words may be a talent but to use words as a weapon is the worst form of battle and I am a master at that art.

Thus on many a long lonely evening I take a long scathing look at myself and am despised at what I am. And I wonder, would I ever get the chance to make a start anew?

And then I discovered prayer.

Prayer is the only way I manage to tame the wildness within me. Prayer is what helps me keep myself under a tight rein. Prayer is what keeps me going on, wanting to better myself for the better of others.

Through prayer I can rage and cry and yell and scream when life doesn't go the way I demand it too, and I let it all out with the absolute confidence that He who is listening and who is bearing my temper is made of way stronger stuff and has way more patience and love within Him to bear all my nonsense and still hold my hand and wipe my tears and love me more.

Through prayer I can sob and cry and give vent to pain and sorrow and know that He understands and His compassion is for me, His love is mine.

Through prayer I give thanks for the strength to keep trying, the need to keep trying, and joy when my attempts succeed, for I know, I can merely try it is He who pulls and pushes and prods me on till I actually make it.

Through prayer I understand the meaning of love, the goodness of being good and kind, the quality of selflessness and through prayer I strive to please He who never ever lets me down.

He knows me for what I am and yet He still loves me and that tells me, maybe there's hope for me after all.

Making it work

It always starts off so beautifully. The heightened pulse rate, the blushing cheeks, the urge to touch, the need to miss and be missed. Romantic relationships always start off like a rosy dream unbelievably come true.

Nothing feels more beautiful than to know you are wanted. Nothing is more gratifying than your need being reciprocated in equal measure. Those early days are always the best and the most memorable. Time would fly and the world would stand still and no one else would exist beyond the tiny circle of just you and him. Nothing else would matter.

But ensuring that the magic never ends isn't easy, especially after the novelty disappears. Trust me it's pure hard work. A relationship demands that both partners contribute and more often than not one partner would have to allow the balance to tilt in favour of the other. And that unfortunately, is the actual way of life.

But we can still make it beautiful. We can still keep the magic alive. It just depends on how badly you want to. It's all a matter of how much you're willing to accept.

Often we find couples dissipating. Where once there had been just sweet words and loving promises, we find sarcasm and fault finding.

So first, accept that no one is perfect.

Your dream partner has flaws. Weigh the good versus the not so good. If the flaws outweigh the rest then maybe you're with the wrong person but if your heart admires and appreciates him despite his imperfections then just give in a little, compromise a bit. After all, as I said, no one is perfect.

 Accept that every relationship demands compromise, in just about everything. Starting from major issues, like where you work or where you live to what you should wear or even eat.

Everything does not have to go your way. Just because you love each other does not mean you have to share the same points of view or interests. Go out of your way once in a while, it would give you a lot more happiness to make your partner happy than demand happiness from him.

Always ensure that respect has more prominence in the relationship than love.

We often hear of many who do so much for love. What we don't realise is that we can do much more out of respect. In fact it is easier to love someone than it is to love and respect a person. When you respect your partner, you enjoy knowing that you have his love.

Add romance to the relationship.

If it doesn't come spontaneously then make sure you take the effort to purposefully add some spice. Everything dull is brightened with just the right splash of colour. Send him a love message, call him out of the blue, give her a surprise gift, go out for a romantic drive, enjoy sunsets, take walks on the beach, enjoy silence with each other, make time for each other, make sure you tell each other why you love each other. Make sure you both know how much you love each other.

Accept that arguments and fights will happen, after all this is a relationship between two thinking, feeling human beings. Just make sure things do not escalate beyond a limit. When you realise the limits are within reach, go for a pause. Take time out. Breathe. And remind yourself of all the good times, it isn't easy at the heat of things, but do it and then ask yourself, is this argument really worth losing all that?

Accept that it isn't beneath you to give in, to accept mistakes, to apologise. After all if you cannot be honest about being wrong with the one you love then how honest can you be?

Accept that you cannot change another person but if you love someone then it shouldn't be very difficult to change yourself for him.

Accept that if things go wrong both of you are to blame. A relationship does not depend on just one person. It needs both partners to work to make things right.

It's always so easy to give in to negativity. To find fault. To blame. To give in to anger. To allow hatred seep in. Always know that love never disappears. Once born, love never dies. It can't even be killed. It just gets buried under all the negativity and emotion sometimes it gets buried so deep down that you are convinced it's no longer there. But it is. Believe that. It just needs patience and caring and effort to be uncovered and brought out again.

Accept that both of you have contributed to the relationship and never quantify your efforts. Do not cheapen the relationship or the other by pointing out what you've contributed, your partner might do the same and you may find yourself short in coming.

Accept that your relationship is just between the two of you. Do not allow a third person interfere especially if the interference is only for the worst.

Accept that every relationship deserves gratitude.

No one knows your flaws and faults better than you, and to have someone who loves you and chooses to be with you despite it all is a fact you should always be grateful for.

Accept that forgiveness and forgetfulness are the greatest accessories in a relationship.

It is natural to get hurt and to hurt in return in a relationship. Just make sure that you pull yourself up each time you're down, take a deep breath and move forward. Don't look back. What happened is over and done with. Learn from your mistakes, look to your future and keep on working at making things work.

Always believe that where there is love, there will always be a way.

The people within me

I've come to the conclusion that two individuals are residing within me and have been for a while. How they manage to coexist though is beyond my understanding. Because despite being special and unique they are poles apart in nature.

They are both extremely strong willed and possess separate well-defined beliefs and ideals yet they are unbelievably inseparable. Maybe that's because they don't have much of a choice, because their very existence demands that they remain intertwined forever.

And no, I do not have a split personality or a doppleganger syndrome.

I merely have a very soft mushy being in me that I call Heart and she has a lifelong reliable companion called Head. They can't do without each other but unfortunately, more times than not, they don't get along well with each other either.

Heart is exactly that. She's soft hearted, carefree and prone to love and to crave love. That's the only language she understands.

Head on the other hand, is sensible, realistic, cautious and has absolutely no time for sentimental nonsense. But don't get me wrong, he isn't a bad guy. In fact he's a great guy. He's kind and giving and caring with the urge to always do what is right. But he's still the guy. Should I say much more?

So Heart's the one who loves the fun while Head prefers to be suspicious of one and all, always on the lookout for danger, choosing to stay safe always. Troubleshooting and security management are his criteria while Heart loves romance, candlelit dinners, glorious sunsets and surprise gifts!

Heart's the impulsive of the two and is always rushing headlong into places Head cringes to even think of being in. He tries to hold her back, he tries reasoning, cautioning, scolding, counselling, he tries pretty much everything but there's only so much that he can do, because despite every advice Heart always turns the deaf ear to him. So all he can pretty much do is hope for the best, grab all his patience together and wait. Because he knows one thing for sure, she'll come back. At times happy and gleeful at her lucky escapades but many times disappointed and let down.

Head never lets Heart down though.

He celebrates with her when she's overjoyed. But he also holds her tight and gives her his shoulder to cry on when she wallows in pain. Head however has a problem, he has a temperament. He often loses control and gives in to terrible bouts of anger and frustration especially when he's overcome with helplessness at his inability to help Heart heal.

But again, Head is almost always the first to pull himself together and thankfully he never allows himself to drown in depression or anxiety for too long. So time and again he takes up the tedious task of coaching Heart, in an effort to pull her out of her misery. He repeatedly and patiently teaches her the lessons of life with presentations, explanations and proof, all in the desperate hope that she would finally learn, amend her ways and stick to life as it should be lived. He tries to show her where she'd gone wrong and where she needs to watch her step and for a short while she actually does pay attention.

But eventually Heart can't help herself and she gives in to the call of love, recklessly throwing all caution to the winds. Again.

Though Heart loves to love, Head is the possessive one. He hates it when Heart is misused or taken advantage of. It frustrates him that she doesn't see how naive she is and how others enjoy taking her for a ride. It hurts him that others don't value the beauty and innocence of all she's got to give. When Heart aches, Head hurts too. He wishes he could keep her all to himself. He wishes she'd be happy with just his company and nothing more. After all, who knew her better than him?

Heart on the other hand finds Head too serious and often tells him to lighten up, loosen up, relax and just enjoy each moment of each day.

She tries to explain to him that every time she fills herself up with hope and expectation, she's actually living. And though it hurts to be let down so often, she still has no regrets. Sure she'll cry and sob, but that's her way of getting over the pain because in a day or two she's ready to pick herself up, brush herself down and plunge right into the next ride. With the strong perpetual belief that this ride would be a glorious one.

She tries reasoning with him, as she tells him that that's the way she is, that's the way she has to be.

She needs to be full of love, expecting love, giving love. Birthing hope. All the time. That's the only way she can exist, the only way she can be happy.

Head always listens to her with patience. And since he believes he's the one with the intelligence, he actually feels he understands her. But he still can't help doing all he can to protect her. Because when Heart is hurt, Head feels the ache. So he is always planning and plotting. Working and reworking on how to secure every situation Heart finds herself in so that Heart would always be the beneficiary at the end. He's a sweet one, our Head. And Heart loves him dearly. Maybe it's because she knows she can always count on him that Heart knows she can spread her wings and fly, because she knows she has her sturdy dependable security net laid out beneath her wherever she may be. 

They're an amazing pair. So different yet so perfectly matched. So perfectly balanced.

When I ponder on them, my soul is struck with the realisation that Head and Heart are all I need for the perfect balanced existence. A happy peaceful existence.