Making it work

It always starts off so beautifully. The heightened pulse rate, the blushing cheeks, the urge to touch, the need to miss and be missed. Romantic relationships always start off like a rosy dream unbelievably come true.

Nothing feels more beautiful than to know you are wanted. Nothing is more gratifying than your need being reciprocated in equal measure. Those early days are always the best and the most memorable. Time would fly and the world would stand still and no one else would exist beyond the tiny circle of just you and him. Nothing else would matter.

But ensuring that the magic never ends isn't easy, especially after the novelty disappears. Trust me it's pure hard work. A relationship demands that both partners contribute and more often than not one partner would have to allow the balance to tilt in favour of the other. And that unfortunately, is the actual way of life.

But we can still make it beautiful. We can still keep the magic alive. It just depends on how badly you want to. It's all a matter of how much you're willing to accept.

Often we find couples dissipating. Where once there had been just sweet words and loving promises, we find sarcasm and fault finding.

So first, accept that no one is perfect.

Your dream partner has flaws. Weigh the good versus the not so good. If the flaws outweigh the rest then maybe you're with the wrong person but if your heart admires and appreciates him despite his imperfections then just give in a little, compromise a bit. After all, as I said, no one is perfect.

 Accept that every relationship demands compromise, in just about everything. Starting from major issues, like where you work or where you live to what you should wear or even eat.

Everything does not have to go your way. Just because you love each other does not mean you have to share the same points of view or interests. Go out of your way once in a while, it would give you a lot more happiness to make your partner happy than demand happiness from him.

Always ensure that respect has more prominence in the relationship than love.

We often hear of many who do so much for love. What we don't realise is that we can do much more out of respect. In fact it is easier to love someone than it is to love and respect a person. When you respect your partner, you enjoy knowing that you have his love.

Add romance to the relationship.

If it doesn't come spontaneously then make sure you take the effort to purposefully add some spice. Everything dull is brightened with just the right splash of colour. Send him a love message, call him out of the blue, give her a surprise gift, go out for a romantic drive, enjoy sunsets, take walks on the beach, enjoy silence with each other, make time for each other, make sure you tell each other why you love each other. Make sure you both know how much you love each other.

Accept that arguments and fights will happen, after all this is a relationship between two thinking, feeling human beings. Just make sure things do not escalate beyond a limit. When you realise the limits are within reach, go for a pause. Take time out. Breathe. And remind yourself of all the good times, it isn't easy at the heat of things, but do it and then ask yourself, is this argument really worth losing all that?

Accept that it isn't beneath you to give in, to accept mistakes, to apologise. After all if you cannot be honest about being wrong with the one you love then how honest can you be?

Accept that you cannot change another person but if you love someone then it shouldn't be very difficult to change yourself for him.

Accept that if things go wrong both of you are to blame. A relationship does not depend on just one person. It needs both partners to work to make things right.

It's always so easy to give in to negativity. To find fault. To blame. To give in to anger. To allow hatred seep in. Always know that love never disappears. Once born, love never dies. It can't even be killed. It just gets buried under all the negativity and emotion sometimes it gets buried so deep down that you are convinced it's no longer there. But it is. Believe that. It just needs patience and caring and effort to be uncovered and brought out again.

Accept that both of you have contributed to the relationship and never quantify your efforts. Do not cheapen the relationship or the other by pointing out what you've contributed, your partner might do the same and you may find yourself short in coming.

Accept that your relationship is just between the two of you. Do not allow a third person interfere especially if the interference is only for the worst.

Accept that every relationship deserves gratitude.

No one knows your flaws and faults better than you, and to have someone who loves you and chooses to be with you despite it all is a fact you should always be grateful for.

Accept that forgiveness and forgetfulness are the greatest accessories in a relationship.

It is natural to get hurt and to hurt in return in a relationship. Just make sure that you pull yourself up each time you're down, take a deep breath and move forward. Don't look back. What happened is over and done with. Learn from your mistakes, look to your future and keep on working at making things work.

Always believe that where there is love, there will always be a way.

The people within me

I've come to the conclusion that two individuals are residing within me and have been for a while. How they manage to coexist though is beyond my understanding. Because despite being special and unique they are poles apart in nature.

They are both extremely strong willed and possess separate well-defined beliefs and ideals yet they are unbelievably inseparable. Maybe that's because they don't have much of a choice, because their very existence demands that they remain intertwined forever.

And no, I do not have a split personality or a doppleganger syndrome.

I merely have a very soft mushy being in me that I call Heart and she has a lifelong reliable companion called Head. They can't do without each other but unfortunately, more times than not, they don't get along well with each other either.

Heart is exactly that. She's soft hearted, carefree and prone to love and to crave love. That's the only language she understands.

Head on the other hand, is sensible, realistic, cautious and has absolutely no time for sentimental nonsense. But don't get me wrong, he isn't a bad guy. In fact he's a great guy. He's kind and giving and caring with the urge to always do what is right. But he's still the guy. Should I say much more?

So Heart's the one who loves the fun while Head prefers to be suspicious of one and all, always on the lookout for danger, choosing to stay safe always. Troubleshooting and security management are his criteria while Heart loves romance, candlelit dinners, glorious sunsets and surprise gifts!

Heart's the impulsive of the two and is always rushing headlong into places Head cringes to even think of being in. He tries to hold her back, he tries reasoning, cautioning, scolding, counselling, he tries pretty much everything but there's only so much that he can do, because despite every advice Heart always turns the deaf ear to him. So all he can pretty much do is hope for the best, grab all his patience together and wait. Because he knows one thing for sure, she'll come back. At times happy and gleeful at her lucky escapades but many times disappointed and let down.

Head never lets Heart down though.

He celebrates with her when she's overjoyed. But he also holds her tight and gives her his shoulder to cry on when she wallows in pain. Head however has a problem, he has a temperament. He often loses control and gives in to terrible bouts of anger and frustration especially when he's overcome with helplessness at his inability to help Heart heal.

But again, Head is almost always the first to pull himself together and thankfully he never allows himself to drown in depression or anxiety for too long. So time and again he takes up the tedious task of coaching Heart, in an effort to pull her out of her misery. He repeatedly and patiently teaches her the lessons of life with presentations, explanations and proof, all in the desperate hope that she would finally learn, amend her ways and stick to life as it should be lived. He tries to show her where she'd gone wrong and where she needs to watch her step and for a short while she actually does pay attention.

But eventually Heart can't help herself and she gives in to the call of love, recklessly throwing all caution to the winds. Again.

Though Heart loves to love, Head is the possessive one. He hates it when Heart is misused or taken advantage of. It frustrates him that she doesn't see how naive she is and how others enjoy taking her for a ride. It hurts him that others don't value the beauty and innocence of all she's got to give. When Heart aches, Head hurts too. He wishes he could keep her all to himself. He wishes she'd be happy with just his company and nothing more. After all, who knew her better than him?

Heart on the other hand finds Head too serious and often tells him to lighten up, loosen up, relax and just enjoy each moment of each day.

She tries to explain to him that every time she fills herself up with hope and expectation, she's actually living. And though it hurts to be let down so often, she still has no regrets. Sure she'll cry and sob, but that's her way of getting over the pain because in a day or two she's ready to pick herself up, brush herself down and plunge right into the next ride. With the strong perpetual belief that this ride would be a glorious one.

She tries reasoning with him, as she tells him that that's the way she is, that's the way she has to be.

She needs to be full of love, expecting love, giving love. Birthing hope. All the time. That's the only way she can exist, the only way she can be happy.

Head always listens to her with patience. And since he believes he's the one with the intelligence, he actually feels he understands her. But he still can't help doing all he can to protect her. Because when Heart is hurt, Head feels the ache. So he is always planning and plotting. Working and reworking on how to secure every situation Heart finds herself in so that Heart would always be the beneficiary at the end. He's a sweet one, our Head. And Heart loves him dearly. Maybe it's because she knows she can always count on him that Heart knows she can spread her wings and fly, because she knows she has her sturdy dependable security net laid out beneath her wherever she may be. 

They're an amazing pair. So different yet so perfectly matched. So perfectly balanced.

When I ponder on them, my soul is struck with the realisation that Head and Heart are all I need for the perfect balanced existence. A happy peaceful existence. 

Realities learnt.

It seems like just yesterday I'd put in a post and then, lo and behold a whole year sort of went by before I realised I had a terrible itch to post!
It's crazy how time seems to fly by, and whether you're ready or not you have no choice but to hop on board and take the bumpy ride.
This past year has been a whirlwind of activities. Some have been great and some not so good.
I haven't really achieved anything at all personally and professionally, but then that's been the state I've been in for almost a decade now. A stable semi-floating dreamlike state. But I guess I have managed to do some good and bring some happiness to the few who love me (probably because I'm family!) and that should hold some credit.
Looking back I realise I have a lot of realisations piled up just waiting to be noticed.
The biggest being that I'm nearing forty and it's about time I understand that love isn't as rosy as it claims to be. Love and life are all just elements of one big practical exercise and you're constantly tested and tried till you pass only to be tried and tested again, and then again.
People are not what they seem, but then neither are you, truth be told.
Everyone has a purpose for everything.
Promises are not meant to be fulfilled but just kept until their purpose is served and then they are conveniently forgotten.
Proclamations, declarations are all merely that.
Am I sounding bitter? Yes I know I am.
But considering everything that's gone by, I believe I owe myself some dawdling in righteous bitterness.
And I look ahead and I realise if I have to see clearly up the road then I need to shake off all the shadows of yesterday.
I need to lay out my priorities straight.
Then I need to focus on them and only them.
Don't we all want that? I guess so.
I've always had priorities. Sure.
I've always had clear ideas on what was right and what was wrong.
I self-righteously had my own definitions and laws and I lived by them faithfully.
I didn't mind burning bridges to upkeep my faith.
But then, I got hit bad with the realisation that what is real and true and right to me was fickle, nonsensical and plain outright stupid to another.
So now when I look at what I am today, I find myself in a valley. Between yesterday and tomorrow. The drop was deep from the past. And it's tough long climb to the top ahead.
Today I learnt that there's no human helping hand out there who isn't there if not for a selfish reason.
Today I learnt that my priorities and my blacks and my whites are mine alone.
Others prefer shades of grey. Because it's easier that way.
Today I learnt that I could choose to follow the general route and school myself to give up definite colors and appreciate greys instead.
But I also learnt that to do that would mean taking the easier way out. A way that will merely take me to the top only to drop me down into the next valley and the next and the next. How do I know that? Because I've already tried it out.
Today I finally learnt that the black and white that my heart believed in is the person that I am. And no matter how I try and no matter how I convince myself that opting for grey would be more comfortable and probably more secure, I know that I will eventually revert to black and white. Because that is what I am. That is who I am. And grey is definitely not me.
Is it easy to love me then you may ask. No it isn't. I know. But I would rather ask, would it be easy to respect me then? And I think yes, yes it would.
And on this day, at this age, I think I would prefer respect over love. Love hurts. It will always only hurt. That is what love loves to do. As for respect, that keeps your head high and your heart safe. Yesterday had been all about love. And that didn't get me anywhere. So today, I choose respect. As for tomorrow. Well, we can only wait and see.

The thrills of travel!

An acquaintance once told me that he didn't care much for monuments or history, that he found sightseeing to be boring and all he preferred to do whenever and wherever he travelled was shop. I won't deny that I felt quite sorry for him! I mean, what's the point of traveling anywhere if you have no interest about the place, its people, its past, its cultures, its flavors? Because every place in this world is unique and different from every other place. This particular acquaintance was on a stringent diet so trying out local cuisines was also out of the question for him! And worst was that he's one of a lucky few who have to travel regularly and extensively on work, from that moment on, all I could think was, what a waste that he gets to travel so much!
I, on the other hand, like millions of others, suffer an insatiable greed for travel. The excitement bubbles right from the moment travel plans are initiated. Once tickets are bought and flights are booked then the frenzy builds. I score reviews and posts of the experience many gone before me, brushing up on my history of the place I would soon see, charting the must-see spots, listing the cuisines I should try out and basically making sure I fill every moment of my stay with activities that would create the most wonderful memories of the trip ever.
From day one, every minute is an adventure and my imagination kicks into overdrive. While strolling down centuries-old forts or palaces I can see how life must have once been, rich and rustic, all those years ago. Of course one needs a really high sense of imagination when it comes to the forts of India with most in dilapidated states of destruction. Yet the magnificence of a regal past speaks loudly from the ruins. One such fort that took my breath away was the Amber Fort of Jaipur, sitting high and lofty on the hills.
History has always fascinated me. I enjoy the link the past has with the present and it helps me understand why today the world is the way it is. The experiences of a place over the years builds it character, develops its culture and gives it that touch of the unique that makes it different from another place. The customs of a place is unique to it too. For instance, in traditional Kerala, it used to be a custom for people to wash their feet before stepping into a house. Most homes would have vessels of water placed at the front door step for this very purpose!
I enjoy new flavors of foods I know I may never taste again and I relish the experience, though there are occasions when I have deigned to refuse a local delicacy or two, raw beef, however elegantly presented is a big no for me! I especially prefer to try out small eateries that appear popular with the locals, they serve the best fare. Of course, people would argue that you get all kinds of food at your doorstep these days, but watered down versions are incomparable to the original flavors brought on by authentic local ingredients.
However, though I claim to be a great fan of traveling, I unfortunately wouldn't call myself a nomad, for the heart is where home is and eventually I find my thoughts shamelessly wandering back home while the being is on the exotic streets of unknown regions and then I know, it's time to head back home, but only until the call of travel hunger returns.

A tough job!

There are times when I really wish there was a Bible on parenting. You know, just the one book that we can follow and be sure that if the principles are obeyed and faithfully acted upon then a happy and prosperous relationship will exist forever between parents and children. No such luck! Instead, we’re left to follow our instincts, our stupid beliefs that what we do and say is for our child’s benefit and most times end up making a mess of things!

Why is it so difficult to accept that the cute little baby who looked up at us with those ever-adoring eyes now prefers Facebook to your company? Since when did she develop a mind of her own when not so long ago she needed you to decide what she was to wear?

When did kids get so smart that they can figure out within seconds how your computer works when it took you ages?

Though the heart longs to make a friend of your child, you can’t curb the maternal instincts that lash out every time she makes a mistake or takes a wrong turn.

When do you stop being a mother? When do you be the friend you believe she needs? Or do you be a mother who’s the friend? Can that really happen?

Do you ever stop worrying?

At first it was mere common colds and indigestions that got you worked up, then it’s exams and school and boyfriends, where does it go from there? The worry never really stops, does it?

And what sort of parent would be the best, the ideal kind of parent? The strict one? The relaxed one? The caring one? Or the one who just lets be?

There are some parents I know who can’t help being strict, they’re so sure they’re doing what’s best for their child that they don’t see how badly the tender relationship they have with their child is deteriorating. They blindly believe that one day the child would know they were only acting in his best interest. But what if that day never came? Then what?

There are some parents who trust their children blindly. Letting them do and be as they please. Allowing them to make their own choices and decisions without guidance or care. Is that really fair? Don’t they see how lost and alone the child is?

And then there are parents who prefer to talk and communicate all the time. Patiently explaining and describing and apparently caring yet never admonishing even when the need for admonition is dire. They refuse to see the sort of menace their child is turning out to be. Is that real parenting?

Who then is the perfect parent?

Why is it so easy to aim to be caring when care is needed, to listen, to love, to scold and to support the one person who’s most important in the life of a parent, and yet when it comes down to the real thing, why is it that the parent loses all sense and control? And ends up doing and saying the stupidest things?

How often do you get the chance to make up for all the parental mistakes you make?

If only there was a Bible on parenting that we could follow blindly. How easy life would be for many, many parents!

My secret addiction!

I have to confess, I'm seriously addicted! Probably it's because colors fascinate me and always have. Or maybe that's just a lame excuse and maybe I just enjoy the way a light touch of color changes me, not just the way I look but even my mood too! There are probably hundreds of others who share the same addiction, and maybe that's why the giant brands of cosmetics are just growing bigger and bigger by the day! Anyway, here's the truth, I adore makeup! It's amazing how different you can look with just the right dash of color on your eyelids, lined with just the right hint of darkness. A splash of shine on your lips can add softness to your smile and a feathering of hue on your cheeks accentuates features you didn't know you had. But it's serious business too. You should search and search until you discover the right products and right colors for you and more importantly, for your skin. And once you find what's good for you, just keep searching because there's always something new coming up that could be better! But remember, what's most important is you always choose to use a good brand of good quality. Your skin must never ever be made to suffer.

Always start from the very beginning. It can be quite tedious, I know, but in the course of time you tend to get used to the process. Think of yourself as an artist, so as artists do, start with a clean slate. Or face, in this case. And to have a clean face, use a face wash that's best suited for your skin type and follow it up with an appropriate toner, personally I find the Clinique range to be quite good. Body Shop has a couple of fabulous face washes too. What comes next is what I call a boon to skin, serum!! Just a couple of dots can spread across your face and make a world of a difference! Follow this up with a moisturizer and again, it's extremely important you find the right type for your skin type. My skin tends to dry easily so I need a heavier moisturizer but for those who have more balanced or oilier skin types, choose a lighter one. Foundations are a must for me, I still bear the scars of my acne-prone teenage years, but just a light coat is fine and I have a select few that I use, varying from one to the other depending mostly on the weather. Chanel and Estee Lauder have some fabulous choices, lightweight and soft, you won't feel you're wearing any makeup and for the harsher winter months, Mac has some great options too. But be wary of the Mac Studio Fix if you tend to breakout. My recent discovery is the Dior BB cream which works wonders and is a must try! Clinique's BB cream is a great choice too!

And now, we come to my favorite part! Adding the colors! And of them all, I love lipsticks the most!! There's something about a lipstick that makes me feel all grownup and confident and quite pleased with myself! I have an amazing range of colors and brands, to suit almost every occasion and every outfit possible, but, I don't deny, I'm still on the prowl for more!! My favorites range from Chanel to Estee Lauder to Mac to Clinique to Givenchy and the list goes on!! I love lip glosses too, and my favorites are the lip glass range from Mac, they have some amazing shades! My latest fav are the chubby sticks of Clinique, which double up as lip balms too. I use quite a bit of kajal too, and have been stuck with Shehnaz Hussain's kajal stick for a while now. I love to add a light hint of eyeshadow to my eyelids, preferring darker shades for evenings and nude choices for the day. Mac has a fabulous range of eyeshadows in almost every imaginable color, while their paint pots are a rare range of eye color that just stays on and on. Different shades of eye pencils and eyeliners add just the right finishing touch and again Mac has some fabulous choices, my personal favorites are Buried Treasure and Earthline. The Mac fluid line range has some great gel liners that are soft and dusky and great if you prefer the smoky look. Some swear by mascara but honestly, I am not much of a mascara fan. However I do use color occasionally on my cheeks and I love Bobbi Brown's Sheer Color Cheek Tint which comes in an easy to apply tube, especially when you're on the go. There's nothing like a touch of blush to change the entire way you look!

I tend to prefer the soft shine as compared to a matted skin, so a spritz of Mac's Fix+ adds a touch of natural moisture to finish my look.

Now remember, it can be tedious but there's no choice in the matter, it has to be done. Removing your makeup is as important or even more so than applying it. So swipe the colors off with a good makeup remover, again Estee Lauder has some great choices, wash with the right face wash, tone and never ever forget to moisturize!

We've all heard all of this before and over and over again, so I guess I'm being repetitive, but even at that risk I must say, stick to the routine, enjoy the colors and discover a new you every time!  

Romancing with the past

I've always been fascinated with the past, right from my college days, when majoring in English Literature demanded that I study British and World History as well. And those subjects were a treat! It was fascinating to realize how everything that happens in the world today is the direct result of what happened yesterday and what happened yesterday was because of the events of the days and years before. To learn that a revolution in one country led to a war that involved continents which then led to the next war, and to understand that peace follows turmoil to be followed by peace yet again, was to finally understand why the world is where it is today.

Likewise, I enjoy reading about historical personalities, of seemingly ordinary people lead by extraordinary visions and who thus became great. I find it interesting to learn what lead them to become who they were, what their dreams and ambitions were, what their efforts and struggles were. In fact, I find that the past can actually be quite addictive, but thankfully it's an addiction with a bonus. My job often allows me to follow the lives of great people that once lived and if you happen to check my website, you'll notice that most of the stories posted on destinations are reviews of historic places. Being a writer who's often assigned to review destinations, I enjoy the thrill of digging out the history of each place I'm assigned to, after all, every place has a tale to it and what's even more fascinating is that most tales have various versions and each version is corroborated with it's own set of facts, so the most trying of it all is trying to figure out the real truth. 

Reading about great kings and their lives had always been enjoyable but to actually and physically visit the palaces they lived and reigned in is always a treat beyond belief. Visiting the Versailles was one such unforgettable experience. Likewise visiting the Edinburgh Castle. In India, visiting the Taj Mahal had been a dream come true. I'd also enjoyed visiting the home of the Gandhis in Delhi which presents the various stages in life and the personal effects of the Gandhis, including Indira and Rajiv. 

But it isn't just events and people of the past that I find interesting. I also enjoy visiting historic sites and historical monuments. The Golconda Fort in Hyderabad was enthralling and Stonehenge had left me literally breathless. I suppose, my pleasure comes from the fact that I somehow never fail to realize that the people I learn about and the places I visit were once and will always be renowned, they will always have a place in history and I am lucky to witness their historic presence. 

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