Schools prejudiced against autism

I thought long and hard and for days before finally deciding to go ahead with this post. The one thing that convinced me to write this was the fact that if I didn’t then who would?  Moreover a small piece I had published on my website on a similar thread of the same subject brought me a lot of favorable and I should say, sympathetic feedback, which has given me the courage to open up some more.

So here goes.

Now for what I have to say to make any sense I will need to start at the beginning so please bear with me.

My younger daughter, now ten years old, was diagnosed with baseline autism at the tender age of 18 months.

I confess it didn’t come as much of a shock, I had had a stressed pregnancy and was still in a lot turmoil when we were hit with the news, so we just took it in our stride as yet another blow we had to face.

From the age of two, my sweet little baby had to attend daily speech and communicative therapy sessions, and she would go for her classes, equipped with her feeding bottles and diapers. The therapy centre was a 40 minute drive from home, but the therapists were dedicated and enthusiastic and every effort was worth it.

 For three years, Acsah attended intensive therapy and slowly but surely started to respond. She began to answer to her name, recognise images and people, learnt and remembered words and even began to formulate 2 to 3 worded sentences.

We learnt along with her. Understanding that she was never to be left alone in her own space, that she had to be forced to maintain eye contact, and that she had to be dealt with oodles of patience and oodles and oodles of love.

And much that we learnt, we learnt from her.

Until then, patience had never been one of my virtues but my little girl taught me that she had a will of her own and I had to be patient and kind if I wanted her to abide by mine.

By the time she was five, she was responding beautifully to therapy and we were told that she was now ready to try regular schooling.

Needless to say we were very apprehensive. But during those very days there was an article in the papers on a school called Rina's Shiksha Niketan http://www.rinashikshanikethan.com that was apparently different in its outlook and methods of education. They claimed to teach children differently and they accepted all children. We went to the school and presented our case and the patience and kindness with which we were received built our hope. Thus Acsah was enrolled there. Little did we know how badly things would crash in just a few years.

Acsah did extremely well in the first two years at the school, and every school report was filled with glowing reports of her developments and abilities.

But by the third year at the school things slowly began to change.

Every meeting, and these were monthly review meetings, were filled with complaints about my child. 

Acsah shouts in class.

She refuses to sit in her place during classes.

She sings in class.

She distracts the other students with all the noise she makes.

The complaints were never ending. And the school authorities made each problem seem so traumatic and criminal that I was always left at a loss at what to do.

We are talking of a 7 year old child in kindergarten, a child with baseline autism, a condition where restlessness, bursts of noises, and singsong chants are just a few of its basic symptoms. On patient and polite yet intensive questioning we finally came to understand that these were not daily regular occurrences but one off incidents. And honestly I was so glad that she was not aggressive nor violent but was in fact a passive and peaceful child. However her minor imperfections were major issues. How was I to tell my child that she was not to make noises or disrupt the class? And I was left wondering, shouldn't the teachers have a basic awareness about her condition and a knowledge on how they need to handle her at such times?

Any attempts of trying to tell the teachers that they should gently try to control her in class as and when she caused an issue were roughly brushed aside. We tried to explain that Acsah recognised and obeyed authority so all they needed to be was a bit firm. Kind but firm. All our pleas were of no avail. Instead we were clearly told by Rina, the Principal, that we should see a doctor and think about putting my child on medication to soothe her down.

Thankfully, I was determined that my child did not need to be medicated, because frankly, there is no medical cure for autism. In our desperation we opted for homeopathy instead. And it did help, a bit.

At the end of the third year, her notebooks remained new and mostly untouched with just a few pages, here and there, filled with illegible scribbles and that was the extent of a full year of her education at this school and yet, despite all the hostility that the teachers expressed, my little girl loved her school. She would wake up at 6am without any trouble and happily leave for school dressed proudly in her uniform, delighted to be with her friends, children she had no idea how to communicate with yet loved to be around with.

Knowing her need to be with the other children, we risked yet another year at the school. But by the end of this year we knew we didn't have a choice, we had to pull her out. The child was neglected, she was literally abandoned and was treated with so much hostility by the teachers it made my heart break. I knew how much she would miss the school, but I just wasn't given a choice.

Following our decision to leave the school we came to learn from several other parents of differently abled children studying in the same school, that they too faced similar hostile situations and they too were pulling their children out.

After much deliberation on what step to take next and not wanting to end up with a similar problem again, we finally decided to approach the well known +Choice School Cochin http://www.choiceschool.com having heard that they were sympathetic to children with disabilities and even had a dedicated department for students with studying disorders and autistic conditions.

The first round of meetings with the teachers and the Principal went really well. Until they met Acsah. And then they pulled their brakes. They admitted they had no issues with the child. They agreed that her problems were minimal and could easily be dealt with. They however, and after repeated follow-ups, eventually let out that they could not take her because she was too tall.

Yes I know, I was stumped too.

True Acsah was almost 5'5"ft in height at the age of 9. Both my daughters have been blessed with good height.

But how could her height be her fault?

They claimed that her height would make other children wary of her and she would end being avoided and alone. And this, they insisted, would disrupt her development. As teachers, don't they know that children are blissfully ignorant of such stupid social discriminations? In fact, all through her life, children, both big and small, have treated Acsah with far more compassion and care than any adult. But what were we to say?

The decision had clearly been made and there was nothing we could do. We couldn't force them to take her in. I could have opted to use major influence, political or likewise, and demand she be admitted to the school, but I was scared that that would just incur the wrath of the teachers and the Management and I did not want my baby to suffer negligence yet again. It was obvious that they didn't want her.

Thus we ended up at square one. Again.

It was as though fate was against her, or as I chose to believe, God had a different and better plan for her.

Thankfully it was at that time that we heard of a new school, +Spring Fielding, started specifically to help children with learning disabilities.

Acsah has been with them for over a year now and has group classes, individual one on one classes, occupational therapy and a whole lot of attention. She now spells words, writes and reads, adds numbers and knows subtraction as well.

Yes, the improvement within just a year is immense, proving that with just the right help children like Acsah can go a long way.

But the fact remains, she misses her old school. She misses the bustle and fun of being and growing with other children. She misses the normalcy she badly deserves to lead a simple ordinary life. A life that every other child takes for granted. Not a day goes by when she asks if she could go back to the old school. Unable to explain why she can't, we just say that she's too old for that school. She counters that with a request to be small again. And I'm at a loss on how to respond to that.

Her greatest treasure is a class picture of her in kindergarten. There are about 25 children in the picture and around 8 teachers, including the school principal. And she would point at each face and call out each name. Even today, a year and half after she left the place.

And every time I see her openly longing to go back, my heart aches with helplessness.

Therefore, as a parent I am forced to declare that when such small-town schools claim to be kind and open and understanding to children with problems they're just blatantly lying. And in today's day and age, when such unfortunate disabilities are getting more common than ever before, it's just sad that schools don't care. It's so easy to educate children that are just normal, what counts is when the special children are treated as just that, special, with every bit of care and understanding. When schools such as these, that claim to do all they can for children like my Acsah, still shut their doors on their innocent faces when it comes down to harsh reality, one can only wonder in desperation, would there ever be such a day when they actually mean what they say?

Thus my experience has taught me, that ordinary teachers in such so-called extraordinary schools are unfortunately terribly ignorant about children with special needs. We don't demand that they cater to every child that lands on their doorstep, but if the child has even a percentage of a chance to improve, then doesn't that child deserve the opportunity to at least try? Doesn't that child have a right to a normal childhood in a normal school? Don't the teachers and the schools have a duty to oblige? Shouldn't they be trained to understand and handle such requirements? And not merely wash their hands off with the silliest of reasons? I know that mine is just a knock on a wall that may never be torn down but at least I tried. I owe my daughter that much.

My personal commandments

Many of us go through life at a random pace, reacting and behaving instinctively to situations. At least that was how I had been until fairly recently. I would allow myself to bend and adjust to each situation or react wildly and madly and often I would allow life and fate and others get the better of me.

I would suffer blows, pull myself up only to suffer more blows, life was often just survived and not really lived. In fact, I strongly believed that my happiness was in the hands of another until I allowed life to be my teacher and ever since, I have learnt some great lessons. I am now slowly tutoring myself to implement these lessons as principles for a better living, and honestly, I find myself more at peace these days than I did in a long time.

1. My happiness is my responsibility. 

How wonderful it would have been if someone would just take over the responsibility of doing everything possible to make you happy. It's a great dream but that's all it is, a dream. No one knows better of what makes you happy other than yourself. And no one would bother beyond a limit to ensure you're always smiling. Why? Well, that's because their happiness matters more to them than yours. So, buck up and take charge of your life. Realise that it's your own choice whether you would allow yourself to be happy or not. Whether you would allow yourself to be affected or influenced by the actions or decisions of another, by the twists and turns of fate, or even by your own moods.

2. My peace of mind is my responsibility

Believe me, no one, no matter how much they claim to love or care, no one really bothers about your peace of mind. If you are not at peace, you're the only one troubled, no one else is affected. So think long and hard before you blow out your mind's tranquility. Wouldn't it be far better to just take a deep breath, think better thoughts and move on?

3. Always ensure self respect.

Never stoop too low, never bend way over, never give in so much that you lose your own identity. It won't hurt to give in or bend over for someone who matters, especially if it makes them happy but don't lose yourself in the process. At the end of the day, if you have no respect for yourself then how can you expect the respect of others?

4. Do not be selfish. Except at times.  

What goes around, comes around. Good or bad. It's great to do all you can for another, but not at any cost. Some times some things are just not worth the effort. So don't be naive, and choose wisely.

5. Give away as much love, kindness, goodness and time as possible.

It won't hurt to be kind, it definitely won't matter if you spend time with those who love and need you. You lose nothing, in fact you gain so much the more you give, but only if you give without expecting or wanting anything back in return.
There's nothing wrong in doing what you can for another, but remember, never should it be at the cost of your own happiness. Do not be a doormat.

6. There is no such thing as 'soulmates'. I belong to no one and no one is mine. There are just great companions and that too is not a necessity.

It took a while to get rid of the romantic notion that there's a soulmate out there for each and everyone. In fact it was rather a relief to realise that there's really no such thing. Some are luckier than most and get to share their lives with someone who is compatible and on the same plane. The rest just have to make do with what they get, but if our happiness and peace of mind depends on each of us then why do we need to depend on another at all? If we are with another, it should be a matter of choice, nothing else.



7. My children are my greatest priority. No sacrifice is too great if it is for them.



This is probably the mantra of every parent.







8. Accept that I am not perfect, but allow myself to be as I am. Be myself always. 

Be the person that you are. Never go out of your way to alter yourself or change yourself only to suit the requirements of another, they would never understand or appreciate the effort. If you change then change for the better and only because that's what you want. Do what you believe is right and good for you be it in the way you dress, speak, behave and think. Do not allow anyone else define the person that you are. If you live on the terms of another, it should be because you choose to do so. Do not let anyone else be supreme over you. That is God's sole right.
Do not look in the mirror and find faults, look at yourself and admire what is beautiful.
Do not be afraid to reveal your weaknesses. Do not be proud about your strengths.

9. It's normal to feel angry, depressed, anxious, self righteous and many another negative emotion.

You can and probably should vent out once in a while just don't dwell on such negativity for too long. Life is too short and too beautiful to waste on such ugliness. And no one is worth ruining even a moment of your life for.

10. I'm just an ordinary person. I can't like everyone and I cannot expect everyone to like me. 

Try your best to be with those who love you and whom you love. Be patient with the rest. But treat one and all with respect. Apologise if you go wrong or make a mistake. Express gratitude for everything anyone does for you.

11. Be dependent only on God and believe that you have the strength to live your life the way you choose.

At the end of the day, your life is yours alone. How you live it is your choice. Enjoy your own company and realise that being alone does not mean being lonely. In fact, you can be your best friend.

12. Always be grateful to God for the glory that is life. 

God loves you. Believe that there is always a rainbow beyond the cloud. That there's always a positive side to everything negative. That everything, every single thing in life happens for your own good, because God is the way and He is the only one, who knows better than you, what is best for you.

Ok Kanmani! Double OK!!!

There was a time, a very long time ago, when I used to wallow happily in cheesy paperbacks and cry shamelessly through every romantic flick I could get my hands on.  I had marched happily into my teens with the firm belief that one day not too far away, romance would be mine too. But of course the realities of life quickly overtook the passions of the heart and over the years cynicism settled in.

Nowadays I find most attempts to romance as tacky and until recently I actually believed I was beyond such childishness, that I'd outgrown romance or rather, am too far gone to enjoy or even understand it anymore. All this changed when a recent movie taught me otherwise and thus I can now proudly confess that I'm a diehard romantic and I have the great director Mani Ratnam to thank, for reminding me of what I truly am!

Sure I enjoy a good mystery, I love a great comedy but I've realised that it's always the romance that takes my breath away.

Loved across the country for decades and known for his explosive hits- Roja, Bombay and many more, Mani Ratnam recently released yet another absolutely adorable movie and thus victoriously proved that he hasn't lost his magic romantic touch, not by a long yard!

There may not be much of a tale to tell in +OK Kanmani, starring +Dulquer Salmaan and +Nithya Menen but the director has taken a simple almost mundane yarn and spun out a colourful fun-filled modern scenario that could happen to anybody and is happening to many, in today's world. There's nothing extraordinary about the movie and that, surprisingly, is the beauty of it.

Happenings in today's everyday life that are becoming more commonplace than we would probably like, is depicted with a sensitivity that allows us to actually accept 'living in' relationships and premarital sex as a way of life rather than an outrage to our morals.

The movie swirls around a young couple, their chance meeting, his wooing, her flirting, their courting, their love, their choices, their decisions and yet again their love. Amidst it all is an adorable elderly couple dragged in unintentionally to support the love affair. And thus you have two different yet beautiful visions of love, young and passionate, aged and gracious, yet always infinitely deep.

A R Rahman scores yet again as the music adds just the right touch. The songs are lilting and colourfully depicted. The humour is light, genuine and infectious. Mumbai looks gorgeous, especially in the rains which must have been a tough task to achieve! And of course for the rains, any Mani Ratnam fan would know his incessant obsession with the rains and this movie has it in galore and yet not too much.

+Dulquer Salmaan essays his role effortlessly yet brilliantly while +Nithya Menen seems to easily have her viewers fall just a little bit in love with her. The pair are turning out to successfully weave magic together on screen again and yet again, proving wrong those who believed that they could be monotonous after being paired together many a time. The charm and the novelty of their partnership is unique and touching to say the least.

If you're a romantic but practical and level headed. If you live in the present times and understand and accept the take of today's generation then this movie is a must see.

I didn't think I had it in me to try a hand at reviewing movies but this movie was such fun I just had to give it a go! Do let me know if this review helped in any way!

Till death do us part.. or not?

Just about everyone in Kerala would have heard all that's there to hear about the rather public legal separation of a popular actor and his wife, once an equally popular actress. There had been gossip galore as to why they had decided to take such a drastic step and every other Keralite lapped it all up happily. The pair were analysed, their relationship scrutinised and studied but it was the new ex-wife who faced the actual brunt of all the criticism.

Personally I applauded Manju Warrier, the new divorcee, for the stand she took on the whole matter. Not once did she appear in the media in an attempt to attain public sympathy. She made no comments and steadfastly stuck to keeping her private life just that, private.

She then went on to be the face of a renowned jewellery brand and soon relaunched her acting career as well, and I bowed before her brave attempt to repair and renew her life.

Perhaps that's why it came as quite a shock when a few very close friends of mine announced a different sentiment towards the actress.

One particular friend went to the extent of saying that she did not approve of the whole affair at all. Once one was married then the commitment is for life, was her take. Especially if there are children involved. This friend believed that the actress had no right getting divorced and definitely had no business trying to build a career after it all. She was a wife and a mother and she should have stayed as such no matter what the circumstances. Honestly, I couldn't believe my ears.

I mean it's all fine for the wife to be submissive, at least to a limit. But how far is she expected to bend? But that's beside the point.

The actual point is, who are we, the common public, to judge whether a woman and a man should remain married? We don't know their lives. We have absolutely no idea why they chose to take such a step then what right do we have to judge them?

And why judge her in particular? What if she had no choice in the matter?

Because if what the grapevine says is true then it was the take of the actor in question that actually lead to the whole sad situation. But funnily no one seems to want to place any blame on him. All you need to do is just check out their Facebook pages. Dilip has adoring comments from adoring fans while Manju's on the receiving end of quite a bit of sarcasm.

So men may do as they wish and women should just suffer in silence? Shouldn't she have a right to a dignified life where she should be allowed to know and do what is best for her?

Another point that my friend brought up was the fact that the only child of the pair had chosen to be with the father. This fact, she concluded, only proved that there was something very wrong with the mother!

Again I say, we have no idea what their lives are all about.

To me, I believe that Manju is a lady who stood up for herself in spite of it all.

She did not allow herself to be broken with the unfortunate turn her life took.

She fell, but she picked herself right back up, brushed herself down and is now striding forward with all her strength.

She is a woman who has proved with her life that the past should be left alone, the present is to be lived and the future is to be looked forward to.

It's a shame that women condemn her.

This is a woman who should be admired by her own sex for the strength of character she has displayed.

This is a woman who should be seen as a leader for other women facing similar situations. She has definitely set the right example. She has proved that a woman may face a lot of trials but she can't and won't be beaten.

We all have just one life. It is our responsibility to make the most of it.

I'm sure she has a lot of friends and family standing up with and for her but I'm also sure she would be aware of public sentiment, yet despite all that she's still moving ahead and all I have to say, all that we should all say is bravo!

I think it is unjust to demand that a couple, once married should remain married all their lives. Especially in a country where arranged marriages are so popular. Two people who may not be compatible in any way are some times tied together with the bond of marriage. Rather than spending the rest of their lives in misery, wouldn't it only be fair to them that they move their separate ways and make better lives for themselves?

So many marriages are loveless.

So many people are sadly stuck together only because there are children in the equation.

Thankfully mine is probably the last generation that would give in to such unfair demands. Please don't get me wrong. I am not advocating divorce. Far from it.

Divorce rates are on the high now and frankly, that isn't healthy. We find a lot of couples breaking up within just months of togetherness. Could they have really tried hard enough?

So where does one draw the line?

What's the limit at which one can decide that it's time to move on?

Unfortunately there are no guidelines.

Marriage is indeed a sacred constitution.

But it demands a lot of effort, understanding, patience and yes, love, but most of all respect, for it to really work.

One partner would be aggressive and the other submissive, that's how the equation normally works. If both are on the same side of the fence then woe to them!

Each has to contribute and each has to be committed, just as in any other relationship, but only more.

And despite it all, if pain, anger, disgust and hatred flood in and settle down then it may be beyond repair.

In such cases, it just doesn't make sense in prolonging a farce. Move on.

But if there's even the slightest glimmer of hope then grab it and hold it tight and don't ever let it go, because you're one of the rare lucky ones!

And for those who have to move apart and ahead on their own, the pain would be inevitable. But it isn't the end of the road. It is a turn around a bend and unto a new and better path. This is the truth that I choose to believe.

This is the me I'll always be

Ok so here's the thing, I have often been called 'loud' but don't get me wrong. I mean loud in the very literal sense of the term. I can't deny it either. You see, I have a rather loud voice and unfortunately I have absolutely no control over my volume levels. The happier I am the louder I get. And don't let me get started on how high my volumes are upped when I'm excited! I can't help it though, and mostly because I hardly notice it.

All through my life, I have been told to lower my voice. Right from when I can remember and almost always by the men in my life.

'We could hear you from down the street!'

'We could hear your laugh from next door!'

'Shush! Control yourself!'

'Speak softer!'

'You're scaring the neighbours!'

The comments would keep coming and this was the gist of most of them. My dad, bless him, didn't mind much at all, but my brother had always taken it upon himself to police me and the baton was passed over to the husband once I got married, and he was more than thrilled to take over the role.

I have done my bit too of course, often trying to keep a check on myself but before long I'm back to square one. Needless to add, I've had a lion's share of innumerable shameful moments in public when I'm rudely pulled up in front of an audience for being too loud. Even recently I had an unnecessary dressing down and precisely at that very moment I decided, enough is enough.

I'm not a teenager anymore in fact I have a teenager of my own and another in line to enter her double digits. It's about time everyone accepted that this is the way I am and this is the way I always will be. If I were to be any different, believe me I would have changed a long time ago.

But honestly, I like my voice, volume included. This voice once built me a successful career because there had been a time when I had compered professionally and was actually quite good at it, though I say so myself.

But coming back to the topic at hand, I've had it with men thinking they can judge a woman by the tone of her voice or the levels of her volume. I'm tired of being told what to do, how to think and even how to speak. I've never heard a man being told to tone down his tone so then, why can't a woman decide how she can and should behave?

Apart from being loud volume wise, I also happen to be loud opinion wise and thankfully, though many have tried, I've been pretty adamant that I won't get bullied into coyly toning down my views for the sake of someone else.

I have been titled under various adjectives - different, complex, complicated and lots more. Honestly, I don't really care.

I have reached that stage in life where I choose to live on my terms and what's so wrong with that?

I've gone through enough in life to know that at the end of the day, we are on our own. There may be sympathisers and friends who would stand with you but the bulk of community that judges and condemns will not lend a helping hand when you need it, so then, why not condone their demands?

I do however understand the restraints of society, and though I may sound rebellious, I have thankfully always had a clear view on the expectations levelled upon me and I have always tried to balance the demands of social living and family with my own personal stand. It isn't easy. In fact, it's quite a juggle most of the time and involves almost everything. Right from whom I love, whom I choose to avoid, to what I eat and even what I wear!

For instance, I live in a rather small town, where girls in t-shirts are ogled upon. So when in town I prefer staid Indian wear and only switch to comfortable and personally preferred clothes once I cross the border. Many may say it is my personal choice and I shouldn't pay attention to such silliness, I agree, however I still prefer not to have my butt stared at by the local boys.

As for what I eat, the country's reaching a stage where not society but the government has taken actions of deciding that for its public. Ridiculous. But who else are we to blame but ourselves for voting so-called leaders to positions where they start making even personal choices for each of us.

And then there's love. That is my personal choice and is nobody's business but my own.

I do not allow my choices to get in the way of my responsibilities. I am a parent. I owe it to my children that I take care of them and give them all that I can to ensure they have a secure and sound future. That is my responsibility, not a choice but definitely a pleasure.

And as a parent I would like my children to grow up in full understanding of themselves, with the confidence that they know their hearts and the courage that they can be themselves without compromise. I learnt it the tough way, there's no need for them to go down the same road.

So this is what I have to say to my children and every other child out there.

Be the person that you want to be.

It doesn't matter if you have a loud shout or a shrill squeak. What matters is you know the difference between right and wrong. And choose to be on the side of all that is good.

It doesn't matter if you're comfortable in tank tops or cotton kurtis. What matters is you know that you don't need to be indecent to be attractive.

It doesn't matter if you don't follow the norms that a cynical public demands from you, what matter is you spend your time and your life doing and being what you truly enjoy.

Love those that your heart chooses to love. Choose a purpose in life that your mind appreciates and approves of.

Make every moment make sense to you.

Read when you feel like it, sing when you want to or break into a jig!

Your happiness is your responsibility.

At the end of the day it is your life. So just be the person you always want to be.

It's all about choices

Recently Bollywood heartthrob Deepika Padukone announced her belief that her life and the various choices in her life were hers and hers alone, this was hugely applauded by a huge segment of the public, me included. But today I chanced upon a post on an unknown blog where the writer has chosen to rip Deepika apart for her statements. The writer chose to compare various instances and incidents of the actress's past in an attempt to prove how contradictory they were to what she claimed to believe in today. The writer chose to do this without realising that she too had the choice not to.

How often do we realise that we always have choices every time we decide to do or say or even think of something? Do we ever understand that we actually have the choice to do, think and say something completely different? And that each time we act or behave it is almost always in total and absolute reaction to the circumstances that we find ourselves in at that moment?

In this article, Deepika was accused of breaking off her relationship with Ranbir years ago, because he chose to have a fling outside their affair. Perhaps we should take a moment to realise that it was her choice to do so. The actress has claimed that it is her choice if she wishes to have sex with someone, anyone. And if Ranbir chose to do so too then we need to understand that she has the right to choose how she wishes to react to it.

As I said it is all about choices.

Recently the same actress went live and announced how she had faced and fought depression. Wasn't this a choice too? She could have easily chosen to hide the fact instead she chose otherwise, in an attempt to help those who are suffering from the illness too. It is our choice to applaud or criticise such choices.

There are some things in life that are chosen for us. Our parents, our height, complexion etc. But there are some things that totally depend on our choices. We can choose to be brave and strong and face life head on. We can choose not to be defeated but to keep brushing ourselves down and pulling ourselves up each time life deals out a blow. We can also choose to huddle away, stay meek and silent. Our attitude is our choice. Our choices determine the person that we are and the character that we own, and the beliefs that we follow.

The turns our lives take depend so much on our choices. Even a lot of our health depends on our choices. All the butter, meat and alcohol we choose to intake will show their true colors in the turn our health will take.

Who I want to sleep with is my choice. Who he wants to sleep with is his. And how I respond to his choice is thus my choice.

If I choose to expose my body, that's my choice. If someone else chooses to use my body then it's my choice to wreak havoc upon their heads. And that's all this lanky actress did when TOI chose to publish a picture of her cleavage. So what if she exposes her body in movies? She does so because she chooses to do so and she gets highly paid too. It is her choice because it is her body. And her viewers choose to enjoy it. It's as simple as that. If a gossip-loving mud slinging paper wishes to publish pictures of various parts of her body they should have asked her first. If not then she has the right to choose to slander them and she chose to act upon that right.

And yes she sat in the front row and laughed and giggled at slutty jokes, well, again, that's her choice.  And at that moment, in the situation that she was in, she may have chosen to be amused. In another set of circumstances she may have chosen to behave differently.

That's all that it is. It's all about choices.

Every choice is suited to that moment. When the moment passes, you may sometimes look back and wish you chose differently. There isn't much you can do about that. Just look forward, gauge your situations and make your choices. Just be wise and choose wisely.

For our daughters

I normally prefer to avoid writing about political and even social issues, choosing instead to dwell on personal topics that are close to my heart, however, I feel compelled to speak up on an issue that has been tormenting our entire country for a long while now and has intensified in the past few weeks.

Being the mother of two daughters, it scares me to think of what the world is coming into. Would there be a time in our towns when a girl would be unable to venture out of her home after dark or without a guardian? Would there come a day when she would prefer to stay hidden indoors than go out and make a life for herself?

Every and whichever way we turn we hear horrifying tales of rape and torture where women of every age, any size and whatever religion is degraded and stripped of her dignity and her virtue.

The whole country rose as one to spew out its rage against the inhuman sufferings of Nirbhaya at the hands of what can only be called mad deranged evil men.

But the young tribal girls that were raped, their destroyed bodies hung from tree branches, suffered no less.

The 70 year old nun who was brutally attacked suffered no less.

The 11 year old school child suffered no less either.

And these are only the sufferings of a few that were made public.

What about the countless number of women and girls who have suffered rape, molestation and much more, but who have been forced to keep silent to spare themselves and more so their families from public humiliation? What about the torment they are forced to endure for no fault of theirs, except perhaps because they were born as the weaker sex?

And isn't it primarily because of the fact that they are weaker that they are so savagely attacked?

The world has turned so rotten that not just women but small children are viciously attacked as well and this is where we need to sit up and take a moment to understand that the children that are raped are not just girls but boys as well. Doesn't that prove that it is only because as children they are helpless and weak and incapable of self defence that they are so violently assaulted?

So isn't that why children and women are under constant physical abuse? Because they are weak?

The whole world was shocked beyond words when a rapist, in jail, had the audacity or the utter stupidity to claim that the woman he raped was tortured solely because she tried to fight him off. The claims of his so-called 'educated' lawyer stunned the world even more with his outrageous comments.

How can we stay quiet anymore?

It is time everyone reacted. It is high time we pointed out to such idiots that the we are no longer in the dark ages.

But will mere protests on the streets and slogans make the difference we badly need?

We all know how long it would take for the Government to roll its heavy wheels into action. We all know the frustration of living with a legislation that was established decades ago when the problems of those days were not the problems we face today. So, instead of waiting, instead of suffering the frustration, shouldn't we, the common public begin to do something? I'm not suggesting we take law into our own hands, far from it! I'm suggesting we consider starting from scratch.

There's an ad that runs on every channel these days advocating that men should be taught from childhood not to hurt girls. It's doubtful how far it would trickle down into the heads of those who need to be taught such lessons but it's a great place to start.

A large percentage of India's population resides in its rural areas. And a huge percentage of such crimes are found to be committed there. Poverty, lack of education, lack social skills all combined with criminal intent leads to the creation of inhuman animals on the prowl of innocent helpless victims and these monsters need to be targeted first.

Education is perhaps the first and the best step. Along with learning to read, boys, right from a young and tender age, must be taught the rights and wrongs of social living. What can be done and what should not, under any circumstances, be even thought of. His attitude towards women needs to be cultivated and developed along a positive lane.

Every man of every age should have the realisation drummed into him that there are some things that are just not acceptable and will be thoroughly punished if committed.

We need to understand that the laws are made for one reason only, to protect our interests as citizens. We need to demand protection by law. And if that fails at one point or another then the law must be committed to ensuring immediate punishment to the culprits. Punishment that is so absolute that it prevents others from committing such crimes. Or at least ensures that he thinks twice. We as concerned citizens need to constantly raise our voices in every medium possible until someone at the top finally listens and decides to do something about it.

Some claim that alcohol and drugs induce them to act out of character. That is not an excuse.

There are several organisations that encourage women to speak up on the abuse they have suffered, to take action and to take the effort of recreating their lives again. We need many many more such organisations. We need people to reach out to the far corners of the country, to touch every woman who needs help.

We need to learn, as a society, that rape is not the fault of the woman and when she speaks up we need to smother her with love and compassion and not cast her out for a crime that was committed against her.

Children are humanity's badge of innocence. They have to be protected. They cannot defend themselves. Women may be the weaker sex but they need to know that they are strong in spirit and should be taught to defend themselves.

If this is the precarious situation that society now is in then perhaps it's high time that schools introduced self defence education in their curriculum so children and especially girls are taught how to defend themselves if ever faced with an adversary. It may not be much, but who knows, it may help in a situation or two, what's wrong in being careful and taking precautions? Girls need to be taught how to help themselves if faced with such dire circumstances.

Now who am I to advocate such remedies? I'm just a nobody and definitely not an expert, and I'm sure there are several others who know what's best to be done, but I'm one of the public and if my voice can add volume to this much needed protest, then I'm shouting from the rooftop, we should all shout from the bottom of our lungs!

It is sad that the international media believes that they have to educate us on the problems that we face and have faced for many many long years. They seem to ignore the fact that such issues are rampant in their part of the world too.This is not a problem that is faced only in India. It's an issue across the world. Man chooses to behave worse than animals. Is there a solution? There should be, there has to be. It may take a long time to solve the issue but if we stand together and if we speak in one voice then every animal will be and can be and has to be crushed.